I have found your website a few months ago and read a lot of your articles, which are quite amazing.
I never did have the time to write about a specific problem of mine and i would appreciate your opinion about this. I heard actually so many different opinions about a lot of people and i guess i poisoned my mind.
I am involved for two years with a kind of on and off and on and off relationship, and i feel i cannot leave from this situation. This person has now idea of what he wants and the truth is a lot of things have gone beyond any boundaries. It’s a situation where i got lost and feel i lose my self and there are times i cannot recognize me. The other day i texted him and said “listen, i think it’s best for both of us to sit down and talk, in order to find a healthy track” and his answer was “it’s a good idea but i can’t this week, maybe sometime next week”. I think i have postponed things for a very long time, and the truth is i have been very patient for so long.
I sat down and thought about everything:
The fact that we are not right for each other because there is a bad vibe between us, he is very negative sometimes, does not know what he wants and cannot make a decision. Unfortunately there i one thing that keeps me going back, and i am ashamed to say it, and i don’t know why i keep doing it. It’s the “sexual part” that i really do like but that’s just it, nothing else!
I really want to move on, i don’t have regrets about the two years i have been with this person but i think that this story has reached to an end.
But how, it’s like i need something to shake me, cause i want to stop thinking about him most of the time. It’s like he has this power over me. Many times i tried to leave from this situation, but it was he would come back or i would go back.
I have my own house, a really good job that pleases me, i have no problem of my looks or the person i am in, i love my family and friends and i am always there for them when needed. But i also like my privacy sometimes, to read my books, make a nice meal and enjoy the moment, etc…
I would so much like to hear from you,
Answer From Shafin:
Let me try to give you a simple explanation to your situation:
1. You are right you do need a shake up for you to move forward. We humans are like that. As long as we can remain in the realm of understandable (our comfort zone) we keep doing what’s NOT working over and over and expect different results. Crazy, I know. But that’s how we are. I’ve been there too; sometimes I catch myself even these days!
2. Here is the biology behind your situation (bear with me here, it will make sense):
When we are in love with someone and we are having sex with them, here is what happens in your brain…
First, the part called Ventral Tegmental Area (VTA) lights up and releases dopamine (the feel good neuro-transmitter for motivation and reward). Dopamine is addictive and intoxicating. Its presence makes us giddy with pleasure, which is why the lack of it also makes us irritable.
Now it doesn’t stop there. From VTA, the next area that activates is the Nucleus Accumbens (NAc), the area for intense pleasure and also anticipation of pleasure. Over here men get a huge shot of testosterone and Vasopressin (I’ll tell you what happens with those in a bit) and women get flooded with estrogen and oxytocin.
Testosterone makes men aggressive. Vasopressin makes them territorial and protective of their mate and turf. Estrogen on the other hand makes women all feminine and loving, and oxytocin is the bliss chemical that makes them float in pleasure and bliss.
Now here is where the magic happens… (pay attention here)
After NAc, the next section that activates is the Caudate Nucleus (CN), which is the area of the brain that memorizes the look, feel and identity of the person who is giving the pleasure. The more pleasure you get from this person, the more regularly you get the pleasure, the more chiseled he gets in your long term memory.
What does that mean? It means you will not only seek this person over and over for giving you your shot of dopamine + oxytocin but also you will reject others from coming close to you. Why? Because your brain has memorized the identity of the one specific person from whom it wants its drugs from. It’s nature’s way of increasing our fidelity.
So what is the solution? To solve any problem you need to understand it first. Understanding a problem is 50% solving it. So now you know that your body is addicted to the happy drugs that it believes it can get only from this one person. You need to change that. It’s not going to be easy but at least now you know why it’s happening.
1. Start dating other people, even though you will probably not like it first. Remember the brain is stuck on this one guy. Let it be. Ignore it like a pebble in your shoe. Its there, nothing you can do for now, so just dance.
2. Remember when you’ll try to stay away from him you will feel a tremendous pull. Normally you’d think its love for him or you miss him. Now you know you are actually missing the dopamine. Your brain is craving the happy drug to feel good. Distract yourself in times of this withdrawal syndrome. Go watch a fun movie. Go out with friends. Eat some chocolates, they cause dopamine release in the brain. Eat almonds, same thing, not as quick as chocolate, but same effect.
3. Go for a vacation somewhere far away if you can. And DO NOT talk to him on the phone while you are out there. Meet new people.
4. Be creative and figure out your own solution, now that you understand the problem a bit better.
Finally, before I end today, here’s a bit of good news for everyone: in a week or two I will be launching a totally free video course called “The Psychology of Attraction”. It will be a crash course on attraction, seduction, evolution and much more. Look out for my email that should reach your inbox sometime in the next couple of weeks (fingers crossed) Also if you want to ask any specific questions on this topic, write it in the comment below, I will take the top questions and answer it in the upcoming video course.
Till then, spread the love and make this world a little better today!
I am H***, this my second email to you. This time i just want to ask some question to you. I hope you are willing to answer my question.
I once read an article that says to change the sub-conscious mind we have to master meditation, affirmation, visualization and emotional anchor. And my question is about those things.
Since you have provided guidance on meditation so I’ll ask about affirmation, visualization, and emotional anchor.
My first question about the affirmation. How to make affirmations work?
The second question about visualization. What exercises should I do to master the creative visualization?
The third question about the emotional anchor. What exactly is emotional anchor and how to do it?
Those are the things I wanted to ask, I am waiting for a reply from you.
Answer From Shafin:
Good questions, all of them relate to the power of positive thinking. Let me get straight to it:
First, how to make affirmations work?
Simply put, affirmations are repeating a given sentence or an idea over and over in your mind or out loud. One of the most famous affirmations in history being: “Everyday in every way I am getting better and better” by the French psychologist Emile Coué.
The idea behind affirmations is based on the principle that any idea exclusively occupying the mind turns into reality, as long as the idea is within the realms of possibility. For example the father of affirmations himself (or at least the father of the most popular affirmation) Coué used to say that “curing our troubles require a change in our unconscious thought, which can only be achieved by using our imagination”.
I am personally not a big fan of how affirmations are done traditionally. Why? Because I like using leverage. Leverage means doing more and more with less and less. Saying over and over “I am rich! I am abundant! I am healthy!” seems to me like a waste of time; especially for people who are not rich, abundant and wealthy. It creates an emotional incongruence that has every chance of backfiring. I don’t believe in unrealistic positive thinking. And saying something over and over that you actually don’t believe to be true will only diminish all your faith on yourself and on the affirmations you are using.
So what do I do? I usually spend about 1 hour each day meditating and mind programming and I rely upon a combination of tools like hypnosis, meditation and yes also affirmation but in a different way. I use affirmations that are universally true and not just hopeful thoughts. My affirmations read like this:
“I now think about success, future goals and contribution to this world most of the time. Whenever I find myself indulging in negative thought patterns, I consciously decide to focus on what is good and exciting.”
Here is another one…
“I know the very first step for attaining success is being totally clear about what I want. Happiness is not a random event; happiness is the step by step realization of my chosen goals in life. I choose to be happy. I choose to know what I want from life. And I choose to gradually work towards attaining my goals everyday.”
(By the way, both of the above affirmations are from my Dream Manifestor program that is probably one of the most powerful mind programming tools ever released to public.)
So how to make the power of positive thinking work for you? Focus on a positive thought, but don’t try to fool your brain. Your conscious mind is way too weak to fool the entire psychosomatic system into something that is not even close to truth.
If you are sick and wish to be healthy, focus on universal health affirmations. An example could be: “as I exercise and eat healthy each day, my body heals faster and faster every day”.
If you are poor and wish to improve your financial status, focus on affirmations that are both true and goal oriented (as opposed fantastic hopes).
See the affirmations above? They are not just nice thoughts but embedded within them are real actions that can actually help you do things differently. That’s where the power of positive thinking comes from. Not saying happy words till the cows come home, but actually doing things differently as a result of having those positive thoughts. No matter how many “self help” products tell you your thoughts alone can change your reality, take this from me… unless you DO things differently, nothing ever will change.
The universe does not grow by thinking happy thoughts alone. It grows by evolution through constant adaptation and growth of its constituents. “Think happy thoughts inside but keep doing the same things over and over outside” is like “a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing” (Shakespeare said that by the way, not me). It’s a clever little marketing message that sells. Suddenly all lazy people around the world have new ideology to hold on to: think positive thoughts and that will solve all your problems. Of course positive thoughts are essential but it’s not sufficient. If you keep DOING what your have always DONE, you will keep getting the same results you have always gotten. You need to change your thoughts but more importantly you need to change your habits and actions.
If you are already nodding your head in agreement, do yourself a favor and read every word on the page below (even if you have read it before). What I am saying will make more sense then.
What exercises should I do to master the creative visualization?
Visualize long term future, that’s the most valuable advice I can give you. The more you can look into the future while maintaining your grounding in the present, the more mature and intelligent your decision making will be.
Once again, I do not suggest you visualize unrealistic dreams coming true. I know, I know, they said in The Secret that if you visualize cheques, you will keep getting more cheques. Ermmm… here is a bigger secret: it works in the beginning, gets your hopes up, then stops working altogether and gets you supremely confused. Why it happens that way is a much more complex topic that I cannot accommodate here right now. But it does and therefore the whole wealth built with pure mind power remains exactly there: in the mind!
To put it simply: visualize realistic goals you can actually achieve within a reasonable amount of time. In other words, never visualize anything that you are not in control of.
Don’t visualize becoming a billionaire if you are a struggling poet; visualize getting your first poetry book published first.
Don’t visualize winning a lottery, ever, because there is nothing in the world you can do to raise your chances of winning (unless you have cracked the formula of course, in that case please let me know about it too… just kidding!).
Don’t visualize winning a marathon if you are overweight by 50kg and never ran a mile in your life; visualize instead reducing your weight by 20kg and jogging everyday for the next one month.
You get the drift right? Visualize what you can achieve. Don’t visualize anything that’s so big that you are pretty sure to fail. Never visualize anything that’s left to pure chance.
The third question about the emotional anchor. What exactly is emotional anchor and how to do it?
Emotions are the most addictive drugs known to man. Remember that. If you can anchor a positive emotion to an action, you will keep repeating that action automatically. Here’s what that means:
Emotions are nothing but release of hormones and other “neuro chemicals” in your brain and feelings are what your body feels due to the presence of those chemicals. If you have cortesol released, you feel stressed. If you have adrenaline, you feel the rush of flight or fight response. If you have dopamine, you feel the happiness of reward and achievement. If you have vasopressin, you feel territorial. Got it?
Now if you can anchor, that is to say connect a given action with a given emotion, and if that emotion is positive, you will keep repeating that action to experience that emotion over and over.
Let’s say you watch the TV and it’s your habit to also eat some chocolates when you watch the tele. Eating the chocolates releases dopamine in your brain and thereby anchors that state with watching television. If you repeat this a few times you actually literally get addicted. Why? Because, I told you, these happy brain drugs are highly addictive.
Usually we get a huge surge of dopamine release when we are close to someone we are in love with. Which explains why we get so “addicted” to them! When we have an orgasm, our brains are flooded with oxytocin, the bliss chemical, which is why we are so blissfully happy right after an orgasm.
Anyway, the bottom line being, if you can anchor a happy emotion with a productive action, you can very quickly turn it into a habit. How to do that?
First choose an action that you want to turn into a habit. Let’s say its jogging everyday. Now make sure right after you jog, or when you are jogging, you reward yourself with something highly pleasurable to you. This will anchor jogging with that pleasurable experience (if you do it right). The key here is to be consistent. If you reward yourself one day and stop for the next 1 week, then your anchor will break, remember that.
On the flip side, if you can keep repeating that action and rewarding yourself for 21-28 days consistently, it will very likely turn into a habit and you will be able to feel that happy emotion (that originally was triggered by the pleasurable reward) just by doing the productive action itself.
This in essence is the idea behind emotional anchoring (very close to classical conditioning).
That’s it for today. I hope you understand a bit more on the power of positive thinking and how to use it more effectively in your life. Do keep writing you guys! While I can’t answer everyone, as you can see, I do try
And hello Shafin! My question and response is some what short and straight to the point. It’s basically this: Once a person has gained a very high level of enlightenment about many of the important things in life. Where does that place such a person in regards to everyday life?
He or she still has to work a job, they still have to eat food, maybe have a release for sexual, mental… or enhancement. So while still living in this meat suite, where do the enlightened go from here, and how does this enlightened individual make life count productively while still be subject to the wheel of Samsara, birth and re-birth (life and death)?
That answer could be the real “secret” of the ages.
Strictly speaking, there is no enlightened person, only enlightened activities people do. Some do it more than the others. But no one becomes “permanently enlightened” simply by figuring out some cosmic secret. It’s not a degree you earn; it’s a state of being you need to work pretty hard to maintain.
Nowadays enlightenment is popularly portrayed as some sudden state of rapture usually accompanied by luminous shapes and a profound unity consciousness. True, this is enlightenment; but just like all candles (or for that matter stars) require energy to keep shining light into darkness, that state of unity consciousness also requires energy to stay that way. And that energy comes from constant spiritual discipline and focus.
Now here’s the biggie: it’s actually EASIER (in a very ascetic way) to maintain this so called state of enlightenment in a monastery or up in the mountains far removed from the challenges of modern life! It’s tremendously harder to serve the world in an enlightened way when you have to live in everyday world of mortgage and credit cards, school homework and divorce lawyers. But it is here that we learn the hardest of the lessons. It is here in the every day life amidst people we grow the fastest. Why?
Because it’s ALL God. God is not only found somewhere in Himalayas hiding in a temple, nor in a thousand year old church somewhere in Ireland. God is everywhere and interacting with us through everyone. God is here and now. God wears 10,000 masks. And some of those masks include your mother-in-law, ex-husband, tax officer, boss, brother, sister, lover…
It’s so much easier to stay enlightened when you don’t have to fall in love so madly that you could die for the other, only to be scarred so badly that it hurts to even breathe. Its so much easier to be enlightened when all you have to worry about is your own robe and a rice bowl – yes its simple and its difficult to attain this level of simplicity, but its easier too – its so much harder to act with perfect enlightened attitude when you have to deal with traffic jams and politicians, have a family to feed, children to send to school, and want to take them on a little vacation once in a while so they may smile and grow. Its so much harder because there are so many challenges that come on the way.
Now I am not saying there is anything wrong with the monastic life or people who dedicate themselves to a life of simplicity and strict spiritual pursuits in seclusion. Those choices can be compared with going to school or university. Sometimes we need to study for many years in seclusion or in an institution before we are able serve the world in a bigger and better way. Depending on how much you want to study you may take 5 years or 30 years. But it’s important to realize that it’s not significantly better or worse to be a monk or a stock broker.
You can be a monk or a yogi for all the wrong reasons (fear of dealing with the challenges of the world) and obviously you can be a police man or stock broker for all the wrong reasons too (being driven by never ending hunger for money and power). Both are valid in their own way. But when you live a life of seclusion, it’s definitely easier to maintain a state of rapturous unity consciousness of perfect love and compassion.
I remember hearing a story in a monastery in Nepal (where I lived for a month last year): the story is about this great yogi who lived in a remote cave all alone for 27 years. Finally he was discovered by the village people nearby and they started to offer him food once in a while and he’d give them teachings sometimes. Soon his name became famous and many people began to visit him regularly from villages all around the place. Everything was fine until one day someone invited the guru to come down in the village carnival in the valley below to impart his wisdom. Nobody really expected him to accept the invitation but the great guru said yes.
So it is after 28 years of seclusion, meditation, discipline and devotion, the great guru came down to the village carnival… and then something happened!
Because many people came to the carnival and some of them did not have any idea who the great guru was, there was commotion all around him and mistakenly someone bumped into him and he fell to the ground. Angry, the guru got up and yelled “Do you not know who I am?” And the moment the words came out the great yogi realized his mistake. He asked forgiveness and moved along.
He taught many people in the carnival and when it was time for him to leave, a disciple asked him where he would go now, back to his cave? Could he not stay just for the night in the village?
To this the guru answered, “The days of being in the cave is now over. I realize that my true learning will happen here among the people. It is here that I shall learn what I truly need to learn.”
And so the guru began to live within the people, learning to adjust to the struggles of everyday life, discovering all the hidden aspects of his self that he could not see all this years in the seclusion of his cave.
This story reminds me of a simple truth: God is not just the light, but also the darkness; not just the pleasure, but also pain; not just success but also the failures; not just life but also death. There is nothing that God is not. And I feel that living within people is one of the most effective ways to practice the discipline of remembering that simple truth.
Here’s a quote I read a while ago: “God turns you from one feeling to another and teaches by means of opposites, so that you will have two wings to fly, not one.” Opposites are part of this physical reality; you can’t have light without dark…
Remember: it is the people that cause the greatest “dis-harmony” are the ones that teach the most profound lessons as well. Something I think is valuable to remember on our ever increasing quest to ONLY attract the “positive”. Remember, on a magnet, you can’t have the positive without the negative. No matter how many times you try to chop the negative off.
So coming back to your question “where do the enlightened go from here?”, the enlightened goes no where really but simply realizes that after all has been said and done, its all God, all perfect, all One, despite the seeming two-ness and apparent broken-ness. So where do you go when you are already there? You don’t.
You simply do what you do but never put anyone out of your heart. You play your role in this drama with all enthusiasm and seriousness but you NEVER forget the truth. It’s all One. It’s ALL God. We are ALL in this great journey together. The bad guys are serving the perfect role and so are the good guys. All the obstacles and disappointments in life are nothing but guidance for us to fulfil our chosen destiny, to learn all the lessons we are here to learn in this life time, to be all that we are destined to be.
All the wars and the cruelty, all the disease and the poverty, are simply calls for the heroes to rise, for the warriors of light to awaken and unleash their magical powers, for the timid princes to slay the dragon only to fulfil his destiny to serve as the great ruler…
But here’s a question that the enlightened never forget to ask: “How would the heroes realize they are heroes if the villains never challenged them to arise?” Who then, are truly the heroes? The ones who get all the kudos for slaying the dragon? Or is it the dragon who served the role of the bad guy so the hero could become the hero?
The enlightened do not go anywhere or do anything special. They neither fervently seek the light nor do they remain inactive in the darkness. They simply do what they do – in their monasteries or stock markets, marriages or nightclubs, serving the roles of patriots or dictators, saving lives or killing many – but they never put anyone out of their hearts. They see the unity beyond the illusion of material separation but they act with perfect compassion and empathy. They serve the world but not with the illusion that right now is anything but perfect. They do what they do, wherever they are – prisons, hospitals, carnivals or battlefields – but they never put anyone out of their hearts.
They remember this simple truth – Love is the recognition of God in the other.
Today I have a very special gift for you. Something I believe has the potential to really change the way you live life. Something that has the potential to not only change your life but change the world. Not everyday I am this excited about one of my own work. But I am today, and I hope you will find as much joy and value listening to it as I have serving as the messenger.
LIVE PERSONAL SESSION RECORDING (Right Click And Save Target As / Save Link As)
As you will see, its a live recording from a personal session I was conducting with one of my students from the UK. What transpired this day was something I didn’t plan, neither did I realize the value of, until it came through. As you will notice from the recording, both myself and Archie (the student in the recording) were profoundly moved. And with his kind permission I am now offering you this little gift we co-created.
Enjoy, share with your loved ones and do leave a comment.
Lots of love,
Shafin de Zane, CHT, MH, MNLP
Hypnotherapist, Author, Spiritual Coach
For over 15 years I have been studied metaphysics, Met someone who is one of the speakers on the video the Secret and spoken to him. Leaned self hypnotherapy and also listened to Steve G. Jones on attracting wealth ,great relationships etc. Down loaded countless products on the law of attraction subliminal suggestion and read ninety percent of the books that are in the free download once Ive purchased your book. None has made any difference infact im in a worse position in every area of my life these days than i was thirty years ago.
What i would like to ask what in your book would be any different from all the other metaphysicians claiming to turn peoples lives around if none of this stuff has bought into fruition the things i have being trying to manifest. For ten years I have tried everything to bring in a mutually loving and supportive relationship only to attract crazy makers, commitment phobics and con men.
I havnt been asking for this. I have had vision boards,imaginging as if i already have a great relationship ,hypnosis etc etc Have no problem attracting men in the first place. Should it be this difficult after working with all these techniques from the law of attraction. I have constantly asked for a healthy relationship and abundance. Have taken action and being very focused and possitive only to start at the bottom again. Im nearly fifty years Idont feel old but find it very difficult to remotivate my self and continually come up with the same result. I I would be happy to purchase your book but well how is it any different.Could you offer me an answer.
I’m not going to answer the parts about “why you should buy my book” but address some far more important questions that you have asked without really putting it in words.
The first thing you need to realize is that the problems you mention are not very unique. In fact it’s quite common. Many people experience such blockages and find, while highly re-assuring and most times very entertaining, all these wonderful ideas of law of attraction, vision boards and so on somehow just don’t work for them (or works sometimes but not other times). You are nothing special in this department.
Now I want you to read the above lines a few more times before you read anything further. Do not read further until you have read it at least 3 times.
I want you to become aware of how you felt when you read my words above. What was your mental talk to yourself? If you felt even a slight twinge of irritation or anger at my words, it could be because “that it doesn’t work for you” actually is your way of feeling special. Something to take note of and think about. Again, interestingly there is nothing to unique in that department either. Many of us do it simply because our ego mind has many convoluted ways of making us feel special. It’s workable, and very much solvable a problem. If you actually did welcome my words, then read on.
We go about trying to attract our reality using our mind power and intention without asking one vital yet tremendously uncomfortable question: who thinks our thoughts? We want this and we want that, we try to manifest relationships, dollars, cars and circumstances. But we rarely stop to wonder, where is it that we get these desires from?
The usual answer to this question is “well I do, I think my own thoughts”. But do you really? The uncomfortable truth is that less than 10% of our life is directed by our thinking, logical, rational, “conscious”, ego mind. The rest 90% or more of our decisions and desires in life come from our subconscious mind which is the mega store house of beliefs, emotions, habits, and permanent memory of our life experiences. And where does our beliefs come from? How are our habits formed? What memories of childhood do you have stored in the dark corners of your mind? What are your emotions trying to tell you? What is the purpose of your emotions that hold so much power over your life?
The answers to those above questions, unfortunately, require an exploration of the human mind that I cannot give you in this little email but let me briefly give you an idea about where I am going with all of this:
See our conscious thoughts are entirely shaped by life experiences. Life experiences create the framework of our belief system (our functional paradigm of the world). Our beliefs then serve as background pattern, default choice, subconscious decision making blueprint, as we go about making thousands of choices every day. Every moment, we are making choices and decisions: what to wear, what to eat, which shampoo to buy, how to answer a question, which credit card to get, which stranger to talk to, which beggar to give alms to, which TV channel to watch, which partner to date, who we should trust, who we should avoid, what job to take, which dreams to follow, which books to read, what to write on vision boards… endless series of decisions and judgments, most of which we THINK we are making, but really it maybe being shaped by forces and factors we have no clue about!
Don’t believe me? Well, here is a little news for you: human mind is far easier to influence that we are willing to accept! Here is an example (Derren Brown is a famous British Mentalist and Simon Pegg is the star of many movies including Shaun Of The Dead, Run Fat Boy Run and my recent favorite… How To Lose Friends and Alienate People):
Okay maybe what you just saw is an extreme, maybe it required many props and careful manipulation of environment to pull off the trick, but just like the video, we too are being influenced by big marketing companies ALL THE TIME. Trust me when I tell you this: they know MIND CONTROL.
And what about all the random, yet highly powerful messages that we are exposed to everyday by the newspapers, radio, television news, movies, documentaries, advertisements etc? These shows and messages are created by some of the most brilliant and creative marketing minds of the world. These messages are powerful, engaging, entertaining and they have ONE common purpose: sell advertisement space! If no one bought advertisement space on CNN, it wouldn’t be able to run, if no one bought advertisements on Google, even they won’t be able to run. In turn, the advertisements have ONE purpose: to make YOU buy what they are selling. And in order to do that, sometimes they have to ALTER your perception of reality before you are in the right mind frame to buy (a BMX instead of a leather jacket).
Now what has all of this got to do with metaphysics and apparent lack of success with all the new age ideas? Everything! While the concept of being able to attract everything you want into your life is wonderfully empowering, it’s simply an intermediate step on the way to enlightenment. It’s a great concept for all those stuck in a life where they think “life is something that happens to them” but not so great for people who have progressed somewhat and are ready to understand some deeper aspects of reality.
Here is the problem with the great “law of attraction”: if you can’t see the future, don’t know what your personal destiny is, are incapable of predicting what will make you happy (as it is apparent by our decisions which only lead us to a future we are usually not happy with at all) and are completely biased by continuous marketing messages that bombard us every waking hour… how can we take responsibility for altering circumstances and events that are inextricably entangled with everyone and everything in the universe? How can we choose when we don’t even know what is favorable and what is not? How can we change our future, when we don’t even know what will make us happy?
Everything is interconnected. And we cannot change one grain of sand without changing the entire universe. But that is NOT to say that we cannot attract our dreams and desires into manifestation. We very well can, at least in the beginning, as many will religiously vouch to you that law of attraction works. And it does… but not for long. Why not? Because the design is such that it only works until you have successfully escaped the prison of “life is a struggle and you have to work hard” mentality. Once you have escaped, are reasonably certain that there is a deeper reality with very different laws that govern it, that your mind is very much capable of altering the course of events, the whole thing either stops working or becomes harder and harder to manifest.
Law Of Attraction works generally, not specifically. It works in the level of thoughts. Thoughts become things (generally). Thoughts about poverty, struggle and fight, brings more poverty, struggle and fight. Thoughts of peace, love and prosperity brings more peace, love and prosperity… generally. The specifics are in the domain of the Universe, in the hands of God.
The problem begins when we try to write our own specific future and materialize specific circumstances. Since our thoughts and desires are often not our own, and rarely in sync with the “big plan” (which is interconnected with all things and all people), they rarely materialize. When they don’t materialize, we become frustrated and go back to our old ways or distract ourselves with some form of external stimuli (food, drugs, movies, news, relationships, charity, and even helping others). But the frustration remains, the cognitive dissonance (conflict between beliefs and results) remains.
Unfortunately, since we have no better model and since all these new age products keep telling us that its “supposed to work” this way and gather many testimonials and what not to “prove” to you that its working for everyone else… and since it still doesn’t work for you, you get even more frustrated.
Actually its worse than that because if it didn’t work at all, that would be fine (although disappointing) and you could move on. But it works for you too, only sometimes, and not the other times. Somehow the “small things” that you dont care much about works better than the bigger things you “really want”. And since that makes you confused, angry and frustrated, it becomes harder to be truly grateful and joyous. And now the law of attraction works against you, rather than for you, and you keep wondering “where is it that it all went wrong???”
There is a better, more mature way of doing things. And that way is opening yourself up to miracles, instead of magic (or make things happen consciously by mind power).
How do you open up to miracles? Now this a topic like learning to swim, I can write many pages but you might learn nothing if you never tried to swim before. To really learn to swim, you need an instructor, you need to be in water, you need to practice and after all of that you will still look like a drowning monkey in the beginning. To be a little more direct, LIVING this way (as opposed to just intellectually understanding) requires you to radically transform your mind and completely change the way you live. You need a good teacher and you need some patience before you begin to de-program some of that negative programming. There is no quick fix or magic formula for this. If you wish to work with me, you are welcome to do so. Click here to make a choice.
Now let me give you some steps to live a life of miracles and magic:
First realize that YOU are NOT your thinking ego mind. You are much bigger than that. Your ego (that thinks and has a name and wants lots of material things) is a part of you, a tiny part at that, but it is not YOU. It’s only a part of you.
Second, meditate. Meditation is the royal road to enlightenment and miracles. It is the automatic process of healing yourself and opening yourself to direct communication with the Source or God.
Third, be open to ALL possibilities, every moment of every day. Unfortunately, this is easier said than done. It’s a great intellectual concept but tremendously hard to pull off when life gives you one of her many challenges. The only way to truly be open is by meditating, which will automatically help you dis-identify yourself from your ego mind, which will allow you to perceive the Unity of all things and co relationship between everything in the universe, which will allow you to understand the signs which are all around us, which will allow you to be open because now you realize that you are being guided, you are being taken care of, you are loved beyond comprehension.
When you are open, you no longer struggle and fight, but simply say “Thy Will Be Done”.
So meditation is the key. Meditation will automatically heal your mind and illuminate all the dark areas where those limiting patterns and behaviors reside. It will alter time, space and redefine your reality… automatically. You will no longer need to struggle or fight, or take the enormous responsibility of designing your destiny. You are far greater than your ego mind wants you to realize. Far too great is your destiny for your ego mind to design.
Pure meditation is pure void – pure silence, remember that, everything else is a technique that leads us to that place. In fact, pure meditation is Unity, or Love, which is too deep a concept to put in words so I will stop here.
I know I didn’t answer even one question you directly asked. But I do hope my words have overlapped your consciousness and touched your soul, and you are able to get a glimpse of that which cannot be taught with words.
Today’s lesson is Q&A style. Its also going to be a bit lengthy and probably the most important lesson so far, so you may want to take a printout for reading it more than once and for future reference.
Question From A Reader:
My name is Shazia. I am 33 years old. I have been reading lots of articles on Law of Attraction. Amongst all the articles i have read, your articles seem to be one of the best. Thanks for providing this free 7 day E-course.
Shafin, I used to be working for a travel agency. However i quit the job because i really could not take the work load. I have no idea as to how i have to move forward. My mind is blank. There used to be lots of interests before but nothing seems to interest me anymore like the way people call it burning desire. Once upon a time i used to be interested in Drama, Music, etc. I loved to entertain my friends and make them laugh. Now, I have to support my family as my husband does not earn well and i am like wasting lot of time. The only thing i do is to find out if anyone is offering free lessons on law of attraction and read them.
Shafin, i dont know why i felt like opening up to you. I understand that you help lot of people and bring a better change in their lifes. Can you please change mine too?? I intend to lead a beautiful and a successful life. Please advise me Shafin and share your knowledge with me in order to redefine my life. I shall remain grateful to you for ever.
Please take time out to read my mail and reply.
Thanking you in advance.
Answer from Shafin:
First of all, I want to congratulate you for doing two things:
1. Taking the time to look deeper inside, educate yourself and trying to find a solution within yourself, rather than distracting yourself with all sorts of things like TV, food, relationships, children etc.
2. Reaching out to me and asking for advice with honesty and openness. I know how difficult it can be to open yourself up and asking for help.
So before I tell you how to change anything let me assure you: you are on the right track!
Whatever your situation maybe, however desperate, right now you are moving forward, going deeper, asking why, finding answers, seeking help, attracting teachers, learning lessons, getting better, becoming more aware… And that in itself is reason enough to be grateful for all that has ever happened to you so far. What has happened has brought you here. Be grateful for that.
But then, that is not what you want to hear from me, do you?
So here is a little background and then I’ll tell you what to do to go forward.
See one of the most difficult obstacles to cross when it comes to spiritual enlightenment (and financial freedom for that matter) is our attachment to the known. Now as I keep saying to my students: like it or not, your life is probably working better than 90% of the world out there. And it very well applies to you too. How do I know? Well, simply from the fact that you have enough money and education to afford a working Internet connection, enough food in your stomach to think straight, enough intelligence to write a letter like what you have written, and enough stability in life to think about the higher level needs in life like happiness and fulfillment. Anyone with all these things working in their lives is living a better life than about 90% of the world out there. And that, unfortunately, CAN BE one of the biggest obstacles towards going forward in life.
The reason it can be one of the biggest obstacles is because consciously you may not be happy at the moment but your sub-conscious mind knows that what you have right now is “working”. Whatever you have done so far has put you in the upper 10% category in this intensely competitive world right now. And while you are willing to do whatever is necessary to bring about a change, change is something your sub-conscious mind is quite afraid of… especially if it means letting go of old patterns of behavior and belief systems.
Purely from a biological perspective (and not considering other factors), there are two things your sub-conscious mind or your animal side is concerned with:
It is not concerned with spiritual development, law of attraction, building Eiffel Tower, conquering the Himalayas or becoming the world champion in hop-step-jump! It is concerned primarily with survival and secondarily with replication. That’s it! And so far you seem to be managing both quite successfully. But then that is not what makes you a human being does it?
So there are other things you are concerned with. There are other needs you have. Other parts of you that dream of things that no human has ever laid eyes upon, that imagine things that exist beyond time and space, that wants to reach for the stars so far away that even its light will never reach earth… So there is the spiritual part of you, which keeps you awake night and day.
The reason I mention these two sides is to show you that there is a conflict of interest between different parts within you. Remember that to understand what follows.
In a small little nutshell, here are the 6 universal Human needs that drives all our behaviors. These are not mere wants or desires but deep driving needs that makes us what we are. These needs are not found in other animals, not in this specific way at least:
1. Certainty: That you will be alive in the next hour, that you will be loved, that you will have enough food to eat tomorrow etc.
2. Uncertainty: If everything was always how you predicted it to be, you would get bored and die.
3. Significance: That you are worthy of love and affection and success.
4. Love and Connection: From other human beings. Love from a goldfish is not a substitute.
5. Growth: Constant growth is a deep human need. When you stop growing, you start dying.
6. Contribution: To be able to help humans and all other beings in their own journey.
Every time you fulfill one or more of your needs you will feel happy. Conversely, when you are not fulfilling your human needs in life, you will be unhappy. In a nutshell, that is how your emotions guide you through life. Happy = needs met. Unhappy = needs unmet. And life goes on. Got it?
Now understand this: every choice people make in life is to fulfill one or more of their needs, EVERY CHOICE. And remember this: if one of your behaviors is able to consistently fulfill 3 or more of your needs, you will get addicted to that behavior!
Now coming back to your problem, which happens to be a very common problem, the structure is very simple:
You begin life, you make choices that presently fulfill your needs, if you are able to successfully keep 3 or more of your needs fulfilled, you get hooked to that “modus operandi” or strategy for life. And life moves on until one day you find that you are deeply unhappy with what you got, surrounded by responsibilities that are not so much fun!
So what went wrong? See there is a basic problem with this formula. The problem is the formula is not based upon following your deepest desires or what is your true hearts calling, but mostly based upon what others told you to do. What others “approved” of. What others told you was the “right” thing to do. Who are these “others”?
Prepare for some hard honestly here: the others are your family, your friends, the school teachers, the books you read when you were growing up, the movies you watched etc. Now take an honest accounting of all those factors right now and see if you can find how successful, balanced and happy these “others” are in their life. Chances are, as you will find out, they are no better off than you are. And the movies (that taught you the meaning of love and shaped your idea of relationships) with the actors within them, and directors who directed them, along with writers who wrote the stories the movies were based upon, are some of the unhappiest individuals on the planet, trying to drown themselves in the most destructive ways known to mankind with drugs and alcohol (of course this is a generalization but I’m sure you get the point).
Unfortunately, that is the model you probably followed directly or indirectly. And now you find that it’s no longer enough to just get their approval, its no longer okay to just follow the norms, it’s no longer acceptable to allow the “others” tell you how to live your life. Life has become a mess and it needs to be fixed now!
Which brings us back to where we started from which is: having said everything, where you are, is a good place. It is a place where you have, probably for the first time in life, started asking the right questions and that is the most important requirement to find the right answers.
So what is the bottom line? The bottom line is there is no quick fix to this. And more importantly, something that may not be very agreeable to you right now, there is nothing that needs to be fixed either! It is perfect where you are. It is better to have messed up in one lifetime and awaken, than live a thousand lifetimes of blissful unawareness. You have all the basic ingredients necessary to make a leap right now, but will you???
So here are the next steps you could take to chart brand new game plan:
1. Take note of the major decisions in life that has brought you where you are today. Write down the top 5 things decisions you are not so happy with. Then knowing what you know now, analyze yourself with what needs were met having taken those decisions. If you are to go forward, you need to learn from history.
2. Take note of your life right now and write down, which of the 6 human needs are being met or unmet right now. Find out ways to fulfill them. Not knowing what to do is not an excuse. The answers you don’t have will be given if you know how to ask the questions. Most of us have no idea even how to ask the right questions. Here are some right questions to begin with:
a. Am I with the right man? Is he performing his duties as a man? What are his real duties as a man? (Hmmm) Am “I” the man in the relationship? Am I too afraid to even ask this question? (Hmmm) How can I invite him to be that Man so I can be the Woman that he can truly love and worship (without threatening him or attacking him)? (MEN: Go vice versa)
b. What is it that makes me truly happy doing? If money wasn’t an issue what would I do with my time in life? What is it that I was born in this world to do?
c. What do I really feel? What is my deepest fear? What is it really that I want in my life? Money, fame, success and power has time and again failed to make human beings truly happy. Then what is it “really” that I am looking for?
3. Study like a mad woman! Buy books and tapes and videos and audios like you have never done before. DON’T BORROW! If you don’t have money to buy a book this week, sell your toaster or something. But buy a book and read it. It doesn’t matter what you read. The answers will be given as you take the step forward. You will be guided.
If you want to learn from me, go take a look at the Redefine Your Reality package. We just added over a HUNDRED hours of audio/video on everything to do with success, abundance, law of attraction, business, metaphysics, spiritual knowledge and many more topics! This promotional package is here for a limited time. So get it here while it lasts:
Finally here is what I have to tell you: Follow your heart right now! You don’t need to know all the answers today. But if you follow your heart right now, it will guide to the places that has some of the answers. The way will unfold slowly. It has been a long time of not listening to that faint voice. Listen to it today.
How do you listen? Sit down everyday for minimum 15 minutes (an hour if you can manage it without going crazy) and focus on your breathing. Slowly you will find guidance from here. Listen to it. I know it’s damn scary at times. I know it’s saying all kinds of things that you know will lead you into trouble. But that is YOUR truth. Follow your truth. Take some action. What have you got to lose anyway?
In the end… smile! It’s all okay. You are being guided. You are loved beyond comprehension. You are being taken care of all the time and you always will be. Sometimes we come too far off from what was our chosen way and life becomes a mess. But it doesn’t take a long time to go back to the way once again. It’s all about making a choice… and as I said right in the beginning: you are already on the right way!
How is it going? This is the last day of your 7 Day E-Course. Have you enjoyed what you have learnt? Have you done the exercises regularly? If you have skipped any of the exercises given to you in the last 7 days, please go back and take note. Carl Jung once said – your shadow is where your personal gold is. Resistance to do something means your subconscious doesn’t like what was told – its valuable information for you. Take note of what you “don’t feel like” doing, that is exactly what you need to work on.
Today is also the day I will reveal to you the “opportunity” that I promised you a couple of times earlier. The chance for you to get on one of the biggest adventures of your life. The chance for you to make a quantum leap into not just personal success but to get ready to give back to the world the true gift you are here to give… Excited? Well, read slowly and carefully, it will be revealed soon…
But first, let us do some review of what you have learnt so far (links to the previous lessons are included):
On day one you learnt that in the next 10 years there will be 10 million new millionaires! I asked you if you wanted to be one of them? What was your answer? You also learnt, albeit very briefly, the basics of Quantum Physics and the 3 levels of reality. You learnt that reality can be redefined and all that you see around you has been created by you! I gave you a little breathing exercise and asked you to watch the movie Matrix.
On day two, I covered aspects of how your personality is formed and you also read about the story of the little girl who was terrified to go to school. You learnt about the “unknown triggers” and “out of control moments” and what causes them. You learnt about why you have such powerful things called feelings and emotions and what their purpose is. On this day you were also given your first mission statement / auto suggestion.
On day three, I explained how looks or money has little or nothing to do with creating attraction; they are just tools which you can use to create or destroy, depending on how you use it. You also learnt that you cannot fall in love with someone out of obligation. Attraction is either created spontaneously or not at all. On this day you were given the task of watching the movie Match Point and take notes of what created and destroyed attraction in different parts of the movie.
On day four, you learnt about the power of belief. You learnt that who you are right now has nothing to do with who you were born as, and everything to do with what you believe you are capable of. You also learnt the very important lesson: “to believe is to not know”. You got your second autosuggestion this day.
Day five covered the first part of Deadly Mistakes We Make. Here you heard the popular story of Paul and Suzan. You learnt that buying things and doing favors are totally counter productive in trying to create attraction if it is not already there. You learnt that when the woman is not attracted to you sexually, trying to “logically convince” her would ensure that she would actually get repulsed by you. You were told that the ideal way is to do things that create attraction from the beginning.
And day six was the second part of “Deadly Mistakes We Make” and you read the other side of the story: how women lose their men. Here you read the second part of Paul’s story and found out what goes on in a married man’s head. You read how a weak man can be a dangerous man to keep. You also learnt a little about the nature of masculine energy and what creates a real man. Finally, you were given the task to observe the couples around you and notice the dynamics that keep to together or push them away.
And now we are on our last day of our E-Course where you are going to learn how to design a meaningful life and the next steps to take towards redefining reality…
So my friend, what is a meaningful life after all? Is it earning millions of dollars? Is it having three super model girl friends? Is it getting married to someone everyone else wanted? Or is it sacrificing your life for a noble cause? What is it after all? Well, I cannot tell you what will bring meaning to you because I don’t know you personally yet, but I can tell you what is meaningful to me.
A meaningful life to me is being able to do whatever I want, when I want, and how I want. It is coming back home at the end of the day and having the feeling that I have gotten one step closer to my ultimate destination. It is knowing that even one person has breathed just a little easier because I have lived. It is earning as much money as I need, doing what I truly love to do. It is making each person’s lives a little better when they come to know me. It is being able to truly feel happy knowing that YOU have been successful. It is leaving the world even just a little better than when I came here. It is knowing that I have done everything in my capacity to help my fellow mates live a little better lives. And finally in the process of all of this, it is enjoying every moment of the day with as much love, passion and happiness as I can manage. To me that is living a meaningful life. And when I finally pass over, I would like to smile and say: This I have done.
So what is a meaningful life to you? What would you say when it is time to move on to another beginning? Would you look at it and wonder “what have I done with my life, where have all the years gone? Did I just spend a life time working in a job that I didn’t like, giving away the most valuable thing: time? Did I just spend a life time in a relationship with someone that I did not love? Did I sacrifice daily happiness for the promise of a great future that never arrived? It makes no sense!” or will you say “I have lived a life with love, appreciation, freedom and complete joy! I have followed my dreams and I have offered my gift. I have earned as much as I could and given as much as I could and I am still left with some more! I have taken risks, lived passionately, loved achingly, sometimes won and sometimes lost. And today its all so worth it!” What will you say my friend when its time to return to God?
Remember your life is a gift from the Source, the Great Spirit, from God, to all of us. God doesn’t want to know if you have visited a special building once every week, God wants to know if you are ready to give the gift that you were sent to give! God wants to know if you will follow the truth in your heart or are you going to follow the crowd? Are you going to go where everyone else is going or are you going to dare?
If you dare, then we will all go one step closer to our common destination: to become one with the Source. If you don’t, then we will go one step back.
As you read this today, we are experiencing a world wide increase of people who are willing to commit themselves to what is the truth, whatever it maybe. And as more and more people commit to the truth, we are moving faster towards enlightenment, towards understanding our common purpose, towards true freedom, towards love.
And if you would like to become one those people, I suggest you start fast. Time is of essence my friend. In a world where millions are killed for oil, countries are crippled for gas, and planes crash into buildings, our planet needs more people like you who are willing to see beyond this material insanity. You, as a being of light, are not here to spend your life in the little maze running like rats. You are much more than that…
You are here to teach. You are here to help others realize what they are capable of. You are here to love. You are here to manifest miracles. You are here to create. You have a purpose. And that purpose is calling you from deep within. That’s what makes you restless. Makes you uncomfortable. Makes you ask for more. Dream of the impossible. Want to reach for the stars. Change the world!
Are you going to listen to that call? Are you going to dare? Are you going to open your eyes and see? Are you going to remember… who you are truly are?
You have a responsibility, dear child of God, you have a mission, you are powerful beyond measure, your mediocre living benefits nobody. It is time to wake up now. Will you listen…?
Unfortunately, I realize all that I am saying may not make a lot of sense right now. As I said in the beginning of this E-Course, we rarely realize what an infinitely magical universe we are living in. The truth is not only stranger than you think, it is stranger than you CAN think!
Anyway, as the ancient Chinese saying goes “the journey of a thousand miles begin with the first few steps.” Let’s take the first steps first. I had begun one day a few years back and I didn’t know where to go. I went from teacher to teacher, spent the last few thousand of dollars that I had, crashed and burnt, made mistakes, made it big, lost it all, broke my heart, got featured on newspapers and television, almost got killed and in the end learnt what I needed to learn. I learnt what the true purpose of my life is and why I am here. And I learnt that just like the Wizard of Oz didn’t give anything to the Tin Man that he already didn’t have, all that I was looking for outside was always right here in me. I just needed to learn how to look…
So before we finish this last day of the E-Course, as I promised you in the beginning, here is a way you can take your journey to the next level and get on a brand new adventure…
The nature of this journey is such that the more important lessons can never be taught but you will have to experience and become. Read the last sentence one more time to understand what it means. The deeper secrets of the universe are not something that you can read in a book or even learn from a teacher but experience as a personal transformation. But then teachers are important – because they help you in removing the obstacles that lead towards the experience that teaches you the deeper secrets. These are things that cannot be communicated over this 2 dimensional media like a webpage but has to be given directly from the teacher to the student. There is no one size fit all solution – this is the true journey within.
Are you interested? Would you like to take yourself to the next level? Would you like to learn from me directly? Get your questions answered and find your personal guidance? If so visit the link below:
Day 07: Exercise 01: For the next 7 days, take at least 30 minutes a day to meditate and ground yourself. While it may not make a lot of sense at this point, this practice is at the heart of any “real” breakthrough. If 30 minutes is too much for you, quit watching TV for the next 7 days. Amazing but true, you will find that your life still goes on even if you don’t watch TV for the next one year. I personally don’t watch TV, period. How do you meditate? Visit the link below and follow the instructions to get our famous guided meditation “Miracles Today” right now. Believe it or not, this practice alone will begin a process that is so powerful that it will probably be unfathomable for you right now. So trust the process and do it regularly, the questions that will surface will lead you to the answers you will need. Day 07: Exercise 02: Follow what your heart truly desires. Follow the dreams within you, for you have them for a reason. If you go no further and never learn anything else from me, learn this: anything you desire in the deepest parts of your heart, you already have the capacity to materialize it. You may not realize it yet but that is the truth! I wish you well on this amazing journey… Never, never, never, never give up! Shafin — Shafin de Zane, CHT, MH, MNLP Hypnotherapist, Author, Spiritual Coach www.redefineyourreality.com
What I am about to tell you today may not be very easy to digest. But it is for your own good. I don’t know your relationship status right now but it’s definitely either of the three: single, in a relationship, or married. I understand that you could also be somewhere in between those three phases and that would make today’s lesson even harder to digest. For example, if you are in a marriage with your husband living with some other woman, you are definitely not going to like what I am about to say.
Anyway, so without further delay, let us go on to Deadly Mistakes We Make Part II. As promised, today I’ll cover the much less hyped about, much overlooked, the ladies side of the story!
Here is a typical scenario: guy meets girl, guy falls in love, girl doesn’t. Guy starts chasing girl and girl enjoys the process. Guy offers girl the sun and the moon, gets her flowers and tells her he would do anything for her and he was ready to give up everything, if only she would agree to go out with him. All their common friends tell her to give him a chance, tells her that he is a great guy, a bit wussy, but a great guy.
Girl reluctantly gives in. Guy goes bananas in happiness and can’t stop smiling. The next 6 months fly on the wings of a white dove. But girl plays it safe. She doesn’t give too much too early (whatever that means in your situation) and that keeps the guy in check. Everyday he falls deeper and deeper in love and can’t get enough of her. He feels that she is the ultimate destination, his soul mate, what he’s been waiting for all his life etc. Eventually he proposes to her. And she refuses the first time. She says it’s too early, he doesn’t know what he wants and she is flattered but she needs time to think. And the guy goes even more crazy. A couple of months pass by and this time he proposes to her in the most romantic way any one has ever heard of (use your imagination). This time the girl says yes! They get married a month later in a huge ceremony. Both the families are happy, their friends are happy, and they lived happily ever
Ermm… Sorry folks. Unfortunately that’s not how the story ends in reality…
A couple of years pass by and the newly weds are the celebrated couple in town. They are one good looking, well to do and happy couple. In their family life, they can’t get enough of each other and even after two years they make love everyday twice. Girl, whose name is Jessie, is very happy with guy, whose name is Paul! Until Suzan came in the story!
Oh! What you say? Is this the same Paul from the last story? Yeah! I didn’t tell you he was married last time? Oh silly me! Ok… update here: Paul was very much married when he got assigned in the project with Suzan. How did I forget this huge chunk of information? Well I’m sorry. Didn’t think you’d be interested. Anyway bygones, let’s go forward…
When Suzan came in the story, Paul slowly started to change. He’d come back home later than usual, looked bored during the time he was at home and frequently got irritated with Jessie for no reason. At first Jessie thought it was his work pressure. But even during the Christmas break, Paul seemed awfully preoccupied with something. He was always thinking about something else. And this pissed Jessie off. She would fight with him at times just to feel his attention back to her. After all, “something” is better than nothing. Sometimes she cried and fought, sometimes she screamed, sometimes she hurt herself and things just got worse.
Long story short, Paul never got anywhere with Suzan but he did manage to have an affair with a 7Eleven clerk called Ellen. Ellen wasn’t particularly good looking in the traditional sense but she was challenging. The equation was simple: if Paul failed to keep her happy with gifts or expensive dinners or cocktail parties, there was no sex. Paul couldn’t get enough of her. She was sexy, demanding, sensual and unpredictable. In bed she was like a sex crazed kitten. She would tie him up, pour hot wax on him, blindfold him etc…
When he got back home, Jessie would scream and shout over him having an affair. She did not know for certain whom it was, but it couldn’t have been more apparent. He often came home drunk, with bite marks on his body, he lost all interest in bed and the story continued…
Okay! Back to reality… I hope you know a version of this story personally because if you don’t you’ll probably not “get this” and therefore would require to mess it up a few times yourself before understanding what I am about to say.
See the typical response to this story when women hear it is: Men are just dicks, all they understand is sex, you should never trust a guy, how can you do that to your wife etc. While those are all very pertinent observations, they don’t help a damn thing. Men are men and women are women, and some women know how to keep their man interested and some women don’t. Just like some men know how to keep their women interested and some men don’t. So instead of blaming it on someone else, it’s about time you looked deeper within.
See the story that you just read is not a set of random events. What happened was the result of some very predictable mistakes. To keep it short and sweet, I’ll give you the most obvious ones:
1. Always remember, the true essence of masculine energy (whether it’s dominant in a man or woman) is in the purpose of his life, his gift that he is here in this world to give. And this one is going to hurt a bit, a man’s priority is never his woman! His priority is his true purpose, his unchanging sense of destination, his gift he to the universe. And a man who is willing to “give everything” to a woman to woo her, is a weak man. That man will give up his woman to some other woman; it’s only a matter of time and opportunity.
2. A man who is unsure of his true purpose, his masculinity, will always be a big sucker for drama and challenge. It makes him feel like a man. So all he needs is a woman telling him that he can have “some of it”, but not “all of it”… and he will start chasing her. Remember in the story the more Jessie refused Paul, the more he got interested. The more Suzan told Paul he cannot have it, the more he got obsessed. The more Ellen challenged him with reward and punishment, the more he became out of control. As you can see, if you want to keep a weak man in your life, you will always have to be the most challenging of them all, which is often not so easy.
3. But then it’s not about the men only. While a man might not know his purpose and drift from this woman and that woman trying to find meaning, he often does that out of boredom of predictability and routine also…
A lot of times women do all the right things before marriage or getting in the relationship and then totally change their ways and start doing all the wrong things. They forget the basic understanding of attraction that got her man interested in the first place.
Remember human beings are NOT attracted to anything that is predictably available. Even if it is valuable. Think about the air without which we will die in 2 minutes, do we think about it, fantasize about it? How about water? Or basic food to survive? Same goes with the woman who is just “always there”. It’s just not interesting anymore. No matter how pretty you are. Beauty, as it is very accurately told, is only skin deep.
So what to do? Do you have to struggle all your life to keep the man interested? Well yes and no. Yes you have to change the way you do things to keep him interested. And no you don’t have to struggle. Once you “get” how the masculine mind works, how to keep attraction alive from the beginning to the end, how not to make the mistakes everyone else is making, and finally how to stay away from the types that are more difficult to handle, there is no struggle only knowledge of what produces results and what doesn’t.
And how to learn all of that? I thought you’d never ask! Grab a copy of my book Redefine Your Reality at—
…it costs less than few cups of decent coffee and you can download it in the next 5 minutes. Read it as many times as necessary before you finally “get it”. Most people are too ashamed to admit what they don’t know, or learn about their own mistakes. Don’t be one of them. In your quest to live beyond your dreams, there is no space for insecurity or complacency.
(If you have already bought the book along with huge list of great bonus ebooks, audio, video included with it, you can re-read the chapters 11, 13 and 24 in Part 4:Attraction Redefined.)
Day 05: Exercise 01: Notice all the couples who are close to you. Notice what goes beyond their social lovey dovey persona. Notice what makes the attraction fade, what keeps them together. When you hear someone cheating on someone, try to hear their story with compassion, how many mistakes did they make that you learnt above?
Day 05: Exercise 02: Look around and see all the hundreds and thousands of men and women in marriages who have become more friends than lovers. Notice the terminal boredom in their eyes. Notice how they have become a slave to the responsibilities, to their routine, to their own social obligations and correctness and formalities. Notice how, to all these people, marriage is just a neutral zone where two people just share the same bed and share their responsibilities. Notice the appalling lack of passion. And as you notice all of this, promise to yourself that you will never never never never become like one of them!
How would you like to hear a love story? I love nice romantic stories (when they are not too long), don’t you?
This is the story of our friend Paul who was very attracted to his co-worker Suzan. In the beginning Paul never thought that he would ever be able to take the relation to more than a hi and hello. But it was Paul’s lucky month. He got assigned to a project where Suzan and he would have to work together for a while. He couldn’t believe his luck!
As the days went by Paul became more and more attracted towards her. And as they spent more and more time together, that attraction turned into more of a deep obsession. Her laughter drove him crazy, the smell of her hair intoxicated him and her perfume made him want to be close to her all day and night.
However, as he grew more and more feelings towards her, he also grew increasingly unconfident as he couldn’t tell what her real feelings for him were. She genuinely seemed to like him and enjoyed his company. She also hugged him at times to say goodbye. She sometimes brought him coffee in the morning, did not refuse when he paid for her food at the take away restaurant, even kissed him on the cheek occasionally. Although she did mention to him once or twice that she wasn’t really “relationship material” and the most important thing in her life was work right now. All this only confused him more.
He talked to some of his buddies over beer and they were no help either, most of them said she definitely loved him, but something told Paul that something was off in the whole story. After all Suzan never asked him to come to her house and she never accepted his invitation for dinner, or she did not pick up his calls once or twice when he called at late hours. Paul figured she must be an early sleeper. He didn’t mind as most of the working hours they were together so it was ok.
As the days passed by, Paul’s feelings grew unbearable and eventually he decided to confess his feelings to Suzan. He decided that when he told her how he felt, she would feel the same way too.
He prepared for the big day for almost one week gathering up courage. His pulse ran fast, he lost his appetite and he felt feverish. Finally after a lot of planning and rehearsing, he made his move. He told Suzan that he fell in love with her, that he wanted to be with her, that he needed her as she needed him, to fill the void in each others hearts.
Suzan sincerely thanked him and told him that she never saw him more than a friend and a co-worker and she would not do anything to screw up the “beautiful” relationship they have right now. She said that he was a wonderful man, but she really didn’t see him in any other way than a friend.
Paul was devastated for a while but his beer buddies supported him through this. They told him not to give up because that’s what women always say before they give in. And Paul decided that’s exactly what he would do. He wouldn’t give up.
By this time it was Christmas holidays and their project had also ended. He hadn’t seen Suzan for over a week, so he wrote an enormous letter explaining how much he loves Suzan and sent it to her with a dozen red roses. And he waited hoping this time it would change her mind. But nothing! She didn’t call and she didn’t reply. After Paul called her like a dozen times, she picked up the phone but she sounded distracted. She told him that she was really busy and she would get back to him later. That never happened.
To cut a long story short, our friend Paul’s dreams never came true as a few weeks later Suzan quit her job and went for a better offer and Paul never heard from her again.
Hmm… Nice story eh? It’s a true story also. I have seen and heard so many versions of this story over and over that now I can tell what is going to happen after listening to the first few sentences. Some how, men typically repeat this pattern over and over and still fail to learn.
However there is a reason I am telling you this story today. And that reason is that this story is a perfect example of what DOESN’T work. And I need you to remember this. So here is what doesn’t work:
What doesn’t work is trying to “win” a woman’s heart by doing her favors, buying her things, sucking up to her etc. What also doesn’t work is trying hard to make her change her mind to feel attracted towards you. In fact, when you try to make her “change” her mind to feel attracted towards you, it works in reverse. Ergo: she feels more repulsed by you than before.
And once you have entered that repulsion zone, let me assure you, it’s very difficult to come out. So before you wonder how to turn back this impossible situation around, I need you to understand that attraction is not a logically thought out phenomenon. If it happens, it happens automatically and instantly. If it doesn’t happen, it doesn’t happen.
The trick is, however, to learn how to create attraction immediately and instantly and never enter the “friend zone” or worse the “repulsion zone” in the first place. And how do you learn that?
Well, one way is to wonder forever and go through trial and error, crash and burn and maybe come to a workable understanding eventually. The other way is to go get the Redefine Your Reality ebook at —
It contains all that you need to know about rules of attraction, how to maintain relationships once you have them, who to stay away from, and more! It’s instantly downloadable and you can have it right away. If money is an issue, look at it as an investment and cut down on some other costs to make it happen. Invest on the most valuable asset of your life: YOU!
If you have already bought the book along with huge list of great bonus material included with it, you can re-read the chapters 9-13 in Part 4: Attraction Redefined
Day 04: Exercise 01: Consciously remember all the women that you have had crushes on or messed up just like our friend Paul. Be honest and identify how many of the mistakes you made that were mentioned in the story above. Try to figure out what would you have done if you knew then what you know now.
Day 04: Exercise 02: Start noticing people around you who seem to have only one strategy for winning the women of fancy, BUY THEIR ATTENTION. Make a mental note whenever you see them that these guys are going DOWN… FAST. And tell yourself, even if all your social/cultural programming tells you to do the same, you will NEVER EVER be like one of them.
Today we have mostly talked about the guy’s side of the story, tomorrow we will cover the ladies side. Tomorrow you will learn how even the most beautiful women lose their power over the men who practically worshipped them once. And how they lose their men to other women (who are not necessarily better looking or more charming)!
Now go out and have some fun. You are going upwards and onwards!
“My face is set, my gait is fast, my goal is Heaven, my road is narrow, my way is rough, my companions are few, my guide is reliable, my mission is clear. I cannot be bought, compromised, detoured, lured away, turned back, diluted, or delayed. I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in the presence of adversity, negotiate… at the table of the enemy, ponder at the pool of popularity, or meander in a maze of mediocrity. I won’t give up, shut up, let up, or slow up.” — Robert Moorehead
This universe is MINE! — Shafin de Zane
Hello My Friend,
Have you ever asked yourself if this is all that your life is going to be? Going to work, coming back home, watching the American Idol or Desperate House Wives or the CNN, waking up in the morning, going to work, hanging out in the bar or club on the weekends…
Have you ever wondered how long is this going to go on? How long will you let someone else tell you what time to work, what time to rest, what time to go back home, and what time to take a holiday? How long are you going to live worrying about earning enough money to support yourself? Is this really what you think you were created for? Is this what you dreamt of becoming when you were a little child? Do you even remember what you dreamt of?
I remember I heard a very interesting story somewhere: It was about this eagle that had to lay its egg near a chicken community for some reason. Maybe it was in danger or it was injured or something. This egg was hatched by the chickens and the eagle baby started growing up in the chicken community. Although it looked a little different, everyone thought that it’s just a little different looking “chicken”. And life went on. It would go looking for throwaways and seeds and grains everyday with the other chickens and come back home in the evening back to the lair.
One day while it was as usual searching for food with its “family”, the eagle baby suddenly noticed a large bird flying high above in the sky with its wings wide open. The baby was awestruck, it asked a fellow chicken what that was and the chicken replied “That’s an Eagle! The king of all birds.” The baby asked “Can I fly like that also?” And the reply was “Ofcourse not idiot! We are chickens remember? Our wings are not strong enough to fly like that.” The eagle baby understood, but somehow somewhere deep inside it felt a strong urge to see the world, to fly high above, to soar bravely on the eternal winds of change… It felt sad wondering why it had to be born as a “chicken”? Why couldn’t it be just born like an eagle so it could fly like that? As it wondered all those things, the eagle baby sighed deeply and went back to looking for grains.
Now be honest… Do you ever feel that you are meant to do much more than what you are doing right now? Do you feel an enormous urge to be free, to travel around the world, to earn more money than any of your friends ever imagined, to change lives of people, to give your family something they never dreamed about?
Do you ever feel that you are underplaying what you are capable of? Does your life lack that burning passion? Do you remember the last time you felt completely alive, when you loved your life, when you really lived? Do you want everyday to be like that? To be filled with abundance, fun, laughter, freedom and passion? Do you want to live a life where all your dreams come true?
Sadly even if you are capable of achieving all of that, your belief system is probably getting in the way. But that can change! And I know this for certain because if you were not willing and capable of becoming more than what you are right now, you wouldn’t be reading this letter today!
And that gives me all the resources I need to help you learn to fly!
Tell me something, when you dream where you want to be or what you want to achieve, what is your mental talk? Let me guess. Is it “get real, you have no special qualities” or “you have to be born rich to avail a life like that” or “I’m not smart enough” or “reality is different, life is hard” etc… Have you ever wondered if that is your belief system, how far would you be able to go anyway?
My teacher, the world famous Hypnotherapist, Cal Banyan once told me there are two definitions of belief. The first definition is: “To believe is to not know!” Think about it, everything that you believe are basically things you do not know if it is true or not. If you knew for certain, you would say “I know!” Think about it, EVERYTHING that you “believe” to be true are things that you are not sure if they are true or not. Everything!
And that brings us to the second definition of belief which is: “To think and act like you do know”! Interesting isn’t it? But that’s exactly how our minds are programmed from childhood. First off, we learn to believe things we have absolutely no idea about. Then we actually pretend as if we know for sure that it’s true.
Now that brings us to a very good news! And that is we get to choose our beliefs! Now I am not asking you to go create a new religion, there are thousands of other self limiting beliefs that we have about ourselves that continuously hold us back.
For example, some people find that being pessimistic is smarter than being optimistic. They say it’s a kind of safety net; if it doesn’t work out, what the hell I wasn’t expecting it anyway! I marvel at the fact that these people actually succeed “sometimes”! I mean seriously, with that kind of a belief system, I wouldn’t be surprised if they failed “all the time”!
Here is what I believe (and I have modeled this from the people who I found enjoys massive success), I believe I will ALWAYS succeed! No matter how difficult the circumstances. And when I sometimes fail (which is only natural) I tell myself I have learnt my lesson and now I have even better chance of succeeding!
You know what effect this belief system has on me? First off, I’m not afraid to fail, because if I fail then I have gathered valuable experience (which means I succeeded in some way!). Secondly, I am at my best performing state because I already know I WILL succeed.
There are times however when I have a nagging belief that I’m not able to sort out by myself. These are the times I’ll find a teacher who can prove me wrong. If I cannot find a teacher, I’ll see a Hypnotherapist (and I am not ashamed even if I have a waiting list for my own clients). The point is I will do whatever it takes no matter what to debug my mind of all the negative programming that is there. After all, it is my most valuable asset. I’ll invest all my money if I have to, to keep it performing optimally.
See human minds are like computers. Sometimes we pick up these little virus programs while “browsing” through life and we can either slow down or start acting in ways that are not beneficial for us. So what do we do when we have a virus attack on our new computer? Do we throw it away? Ofcourse not, we run an anti virus software to get rid of the viruses. Similarly hypnosis, NLP, affirmation, meditation etc are all antivirus programs designed to clean your mind.
Now the question is whether or not you are going to take some action and get rid of the viruses of your mind? Whether or not you will take necessary action until you have brought yourself to the point where you are able to truly believe you will ALWAYS succeed!
Day 03: Exercise 01: Memorize the following statement and repeat it in your head as many times as possible every day — “I am willing to do whatever it takes, no matter what, to make myself better and better, everyday in everyway.” The more you repeat this silently and aloud, the more your mind will open up to the possibilities.
Day 03: Exercise 02: Make a list of ten things you want to learn or do that you think will stretch your limits beyond who you are now. Don’t do anything with the list. Just write it down on a piece of paper, that’s it. (If you have already bought Redefine Your Reality, read Chapter 26 now: The Billion Dollar Question)
In the end, if this letter has really touched your soul, if it got you thinking about what really is your true potential, if you are ready to bring yourself to the optimally performing state, go and get a copy of the Redefine Your Reality ebook at —