In Search of the Miraculous

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eCourse Day 5: Deadly Mistakes We Make Part II

What I am about to tell you today may not be very easy to digest. But it is for your own good. I don’t know your relationship status right now but it’s definitely either of the three: single, in a relationship, or married. I understand that you could also be somewhere in between those three phases and that would make today’s lesson even harder to digest. For example, if you are in a marriage with your husband living with some other woman, you are definitely not going to like what I am about to say.

Anyway, so without further delay, let us go on to Deadly Mistakes We Make Part II. As promised, today I’ll cover the much less hyped about, much overlooked, the ladies side of the story!

Here is a typical scenario: guy meets girl, guy falls in love, girl doesn’t. Guy starts chasing girl and girl enjoys the process. Guy offers girl the sun and the moon, gets her flowers and tells her he would do anything for her and he was ready to give up everything, if only she would agree to go out with him. All their common friends tell her to give him a chance, tells her that he is a great guy, a bit wussy, but a great guy.

Girl reluctantly gives in. Guy goes bananas in happiness and can’t stop smiling. The next 6 months fly on the wings of a white dove. But girl plays it safe. She doesn’t give too much too early (whatever that means in your situation) and that keeps the guy in check. Everyday he falls deeper and deeper in love and can’t get enough of her. He feels that she is the ultimate destination, his soul mate, what he’s been waiting for all his life etc. Eventually he proposes to her. And she refuses the first time. She says it’s too early, he doesn’t know what he wants and she is flattered but she needs time to think. And the guy goes even more crazy. A couple of months pass by and this time he proposes to her in the most romantic way any one has ever heard of (use your imagination). This time the girl says yes! They get married a month later in a huge ceremony. Both the families are happy, their friends are happy, and they lived happily ever

Ermm… Sorry folks. Unfortunately that’s not how the story ends in reality…

A couple of years pass by and the newly weds are the celebrated couple in town. They are one good looking, well to do and happy couple. In their family life, they can’t get enough of each other and even after two years they make love everyday twice. Girl, whose name is Jessie, is very happy with guy, whose name is Paul! Until Suzan came in the story!

Oh! What you say? Is this the same Paul from the last story? Yeah! I didn’t tell you he was married last time? Oh silly me! Ok… update here: Paul was very much married when he got assigned in the project with Suzan. How did I forget this huge chunk of information? Well I’m sorry. Didn’t think you’d be interested. Anyway bygones, let’s go forward…

When Suzan came in the story, Paul slowly started to change. He’d come back home later than usual, looked bored during the time he was at home and frequently got irritated with Jessie for no reason. At first Jessie thought it was his work pressure. But even during the Christmas break, Paul seemed awfully preoccupied with something. He was always thinking about something else. And this pissed Jessie off. She would fight with him at times just to feel his attention back to her. After all, “something” is better than nothing. Sometimes she cried and fought, sometimes she screamed, sometimes she hurt herself and things just got worse.

Long story short, Paul never got anywhere with Suzan but he did manage to have an affair with a 7Eleven clerk called Ellen. Ellen wasn’t particularly good looking in the traditional sense but she was challenging. The equation was simple: if Paul failed to keep her happy with gifts or expensive dinners or cocktail parties, there was no sex. Paul couldn’t get enough of her. She was sexy, demanding, sensual and unpredictable. In bed she was like a sex crazed kitten. She would tie him up, pour hot wax on him, blindfold him etc…

When he got back home, Jessie would scream and shout over him having an affair. She did not know for certain whom it was, but it couldn’t have been more apparent. He often came home drunk, with bite marks on his body, he lost all interest in bed and the story continued…

Okay! Back to reality… I hope you know a version of this story personally because if you don’t you’ll probably not “get this” and therefore would require to mess it up a few times yourself before understanding what I am about to say.

See the typical response to this story when women hear it is: Men are just dicks, all they understand is sex, you should never trust a guy, how can you do that to your wife etc. While those are all very pertinent observations, they don’t help a damn thing. Men are men and women are women, and some women know how to keep their man interested and some women don’t. Just like some men know how to keep their women interested and some men don’t. So instead of blaming it on someone else, it’s about time you looked deeper within.

See the story that you just read is not a set of random events. What happened was the result of some very predictable mistakes. To keep it short and sweet, I’ll give you the most obvious ones:

1. Always remember, the true essence of masculine energy (whether it’s dominant in a man or woman) is in the purpose of his life, his gift that he is here in this world to give. And this one is going to hurt a bit, a man’s priority is never his woman! His priority is his true purpose, his unchanging sense of destination, his gift he to the universe. And a man who is willing to “give everything” to a woman to woo her, is a weak man. That man will give up his woman to some other woman; it’s only a matter of time and opportunity.

2. A man who is unsure of his true purpose, his masculinity, will always be a big sucker for drama and challenge. It makes him feel like a man. So all he needs is a woman telling him that he can have “some of it”, but not “all of it”… and he will start chasing her. Remember in the story the more Jessie refused Paul, the more he got interested. The more Suzan told Paul he cannot have it, the more he got obsessed. The more Ellen challenged him with reward and punishment, the more he became out of control. As you can see, if you want to keep a weak man in your life, you will always have to be the most challenging of them all, which is often not so easy.

3. But then it’s not about the men only. While a man might not know his purpose and drift from this woman and that woman trying to find meaning, he often does that out of boredom of predictability and routine also…

A lot of times women do all the right things before marriage or getting in the relationship and then totally change their ways and start doing all the wrong things. They forget the basic understanding of attraction that got her man interested in the first place.

Remember human beings are NOT attracted to anything that is predictably available. Even if it is valuable. Think about the air without which we will die in 2 minutes, do we think about it, fantasize about it? How about water? Or basic food to survive? Same goes with the woman who is just “always there”. It’s just not interesting anymore. No matter how pretty you are. Beauty, as it is very accurately told, is only skin deep.

So what to do? Do you have to struggle all your life to keep the man interested? Well yes and no. Yes you have to change the way you do things to keep him interested. And no you don’t have to struggle. Once you “get” how the masculine mind works, how to keep attraction alive from the beginning to the end, how not to make the mistakes everyone else is making, and finally how to stay away from the types that are more difficult to handle, there is no struggle only knowledge of what produces results and what doesn’t.

And how to learn all of that? I thought you’d never ask! Grab a copy of my book Redefine Your Reality at—

…it costs less than few cups of decent coffee and you can download it in the next 5 minutes. Read it as many times as necessary before you finally “get it”. Most people are too ashamed to admit what they don’t know, or learn about their own mistakes. Don’t be one of them. In your quest to live beyond your dreams, there is no space for insecurity or complacency.

(If you have already bought the book along with huge list of great bonus ebooks, audio, video included with it, you can re-read the chapters 11, 13 and 24 in Part 4:Attraction Redefined.)

Day 05: Exercise 01: Notice all the couples who are close to you. Notice what goes beyond their social lovey dovey persona. Notice what makes the attraction fade, what keeps them together. When you hear someone cheating on someone, try to hear their story with compassion, how many mistakes did they make that you learnt above?

Day 05: Exercise 02: Look around and see all the hundreds and thousands of men and women in marriages who have become more friends than lovers. Notice the terminal boredom in their eyes. Notice how they have become a slave to the responsibilities, to their routine, to their own social obligations and correctness and formalities. Notice how, to all these people, marriage is just a neutral zone where two people just share the same bed and share their responsibilities. Notice the appalling lack of passion. And as you notice all of this, promise to yourself that you will never never never never become like one of them!

Now smile and live!


Shafin de Zane, CHT, MH, MNLP
Hypnotherapist, Author, Spiritual Coach

PS: I’d love to hear your stories, your successes and things you’d like to know more. Leave a comment below.

posted under eCourse
3 Comments to

“eCourse Day 5: Deadly Mistakes We Make Part II”

  1. On June 25th, 2009 at 2:09 pm Mommi Says:

    Hello Shafin,

    I am really thankful to you for such a wonderful short course. I’ve never experienced such a beautiful thing ever before in my life. Though, I did not understand some of the concepts in depth but I am very hopeful that sooner I’ll be able to learn more of it.
    Once again, Shafin thank you very much.

    Better & Better


  2. On June 25th, 2009 at 4:21 pm Design Of A Meaningful Life | Spiritual Journey Says:

    […] day six was the second part of “Deadly Mistakes We Make” and you read the other side of the […]

  3. On March 5th, 2016 at 6:32 am Moses Mbogoh Says:

    Hello Shafin,

    Thanks for such an insightful short course that is so awakening. I didn't know the power of meditation until i tried it. It has created a big impact in my life within a week.


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