Dealing With Depression

Question from a reader:

Hi Shafin,

I am a little confused about something. I am an alcoholic/addict in recovery for 2 years now. I am doing the twelve step program. I have been working to my very best to deal with all my old stuff and letting go and allowing healing.

I come from a family of alcoholics and addicts and DEPRESSION. I have been suffering from this most of my life (now I know where it comes from!). I have always trusted God to help me heal. When I came into recovery, I stopped my anti-depressants (mood-altering stuff). I feel that I need to work through all this on a clean truth level. But it has been VERY very hard for me and even with my recovery I eventually ended up after the two years in a fetus position on my bed not able to deal with the depression any longer and the suffering that goes with it. I weighed 42kg with pains all over my body – sick and wounded.

I have been prescribed ant-depressants again after I decided that I cannot accept that I have to carry on suffering like this-life has just been hard enough for me. BUT I DO NOT WANT TO USE THE PILLS!!! I just feel that maybe I am addicted to this suffering and pain and I just want to stop it.

Please give me some suggestions on your thoughts.

Thank you so much also for the inspirational info from you always.


My Answer:

Dear M***

Before I say anything on this topic, here is a little legal disclaimer: I am not a medical doctor so you should not listen to anything I have to say 🙂

Now let’s down to business:

If you want to understand why and how people get depressed and what to do about it, you have to understand exactly what depression is and how people get there. Depression is NOT an illness that is caused by a viral attack or something, it is an advanced stage of a spiraling journey that you only reach after crossing a few other stations first. The key to dealing with depression naturally and in a holistic way is ensuring that you don’t begin the journey, of if you already started, don’t cross the stations, or if you have reached “depression city” already, to get on the train and start going back to where you started. Alien speak? Don’t get depressed (pun intended), I’ll make everything clear soon.

Depression is an emotion. What is an emotion? Emotions are our body’s way of storing pain and pleasure in our mind. Reptiles and birds (as far as we understand) do not feel emotions. Why not? Because the part of the brain that feels emotion only developed in the mammals. They (reptiles and other lower level animals on the evolutionary scale) respond to the world by instinctive reactions to physical pain and pleasure. We humans on the other hand have developed an emotional brain that feels not only physical sensations but happiness, sadness, anger, fear, loneliness etc in our minds. These are called emotions.

Why did we evolve to feel emotions? Because they are our bodies guiding mechanism to help us take the right steps in the right direction. Got that? This is very very important: emotions are our body’s way of motivating us to take the right steps in the right direction towards a healthy happy life. Remember that as we move forward.

Now there are 3 levels of emotions we feel:

Primary emotions: Happiness, anger, sadness, loniless, fear, guilt etc.

Secondary emotion: Frustration

Tertiary emotion: Depression

Now here is how we are designed:

Our primary emotions are all messages that guide us in a specific way to carry out some specific actions. I’ll give you one example: anger is the message to seek fairness. That’s it! It’s very simple message that is biologically hardwired into us so we can seek equity.

People say anger is bad. I say anger is neither good nor bad. It’s simply a message. A message to seek fairness. At any given circumstance, the only reason a person will feel anger is when he or she perceives unfairness being done to either himself or someone he cares about or something he cares about. (Of course there are other pent up convoluted forms of anger that has nothing to do with the present moment but coming from somewhere in the past, but essentially it is still a call for fairness).

(If you want to learn all about emotions and how to interpret each of them and use them in your life to live a healthy, wealthy and prosperous life, I suggest you get my book Redefine Your Reality where I cover this topic in much more detail.)

The key point to understand here is that anger is an emotion and emotions are messages. Messages designed to help you take some specific action in specific circumstances.

Here is another one: loneliness. Loneliness is a specific message that motivates you to seek quality human company. Getting a goldfish does not work in solving the situation.

So what happens if you keep ignoring the message that your body is sending to you for a prolonged period of time? You enter the secondary level of emotion: Frustration.

What is the meaning of frustration? “What you are doing is NOT working, please change your ways.”

If you manage to ignore frustration for a significant period of time, you enter the final stage of depression. What is the message of depression? In this stage your body is saying to you… “I can’t do this anymore! I need a break, I need it NOW!” In this stage, the body stops trying, it goes into a state of rest, gives up on everything and simply sleeps.

Let’s take a look at an example:

Imagine Bob. Bob just got divorced from his wife who was everything in his life. She was his best friend, his conversation partner, his wife, his buddy.. everything. After the separation, Bob naturally began to feel loneliness. What did Bob do? Well, just like all sensible individuals, he went to the local pub and tried to drown his sorrow with alcohol (this wasn’t sorrow by the way; it was a message, a message called loneliness that had a very specific solution). This sort of behavior is called “distraction”. You can easily substitute alcohol with food, or work, or even making money.

The thing with distraction is that as long as you are distracting yourself, you are able to blot out the negative emotion you were feeling (that’s why we choose specific “distractors” that work for us) and feel happy. Unfortunately when the distracting behavior is completed, you wake up and usually feel twice the amount of negative emotion that you were originally feeling. This is the body’s way of pushing you towards a healthier lifestyle.

What does Bob do? Well, he goes out every evening and drinks even more, since he is feeling double lonely these days. As this continues Bob ends up in a rut! He feels lonely, drinks, wakes up to feel even more lonely, drinks more.

After a while, as part of our natural design, the body triggers the secondary emotion of FRUSTRATION. What’s the message again? “What you are doing is not working, do something else.” It’s a call for creativity. Typically when we are in this level, everything feels like its not working. We are somewhat irritated all the time.

So now Bob is lonely AND frustrated. What does he do? Well, he drinks more; because that’s the only way he knows how to feel better.

Now as Bob is stuck in this rut of feeling lonely-frustrated then drinking more and more to feel better, his body chemistry is going completely haywire. Also as you can imagine, if he has a job or business, how that is suffering by this time, which will compound on his feelings of anger, frustration etc. So not only now he is going to feel natural frustration and loneliness, he is also feeling other chemical induced lethargy and general lack of happiness.

If he continues this for a while, Bob will finally have abused his body so much that he will begin to feel the tertiary level of emotion: DEPRESSION. So what is the message of depression again? It is “I need a break, I need it NOW!” The general feeling associated with depression is “nothing in the world is worth it; all I want to do is sleep.”

By this time, the body has stopped trying to motivate you any further to take action in the right direction. All it wants is to stop the abuse that you’ve been inflicting upon yourself.

At this point, we usually decide to visit the divine beings in white coats amongst our midst called… doctors. They tell us we need to go on Prozac or something similar which are known as SSRI’s (Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors). What are these? Well, in layman’s terms, they are designed to stop you from feeling depression by allowing more serotonin (the happy drug) in your brain. In Shafin speak: these are drugs that mess up your natural bodily intelligence by chemically interfering with your brain.

What happens now? Well, Bob, who is already depressed and pretty much an alcoholic, recovers a bit with the SSRI, at which stage the body takes him back to frustration mode because it gets confused into thinking that things have become better naturally. This makes Bob start drinking again because that is the only way he knows how to handle this situation. This brings him down to becoming depressed again… and after a while he is finally left with one of the two choices:

a. Become clinically depressed, where depression spreads to all over his life and is no longer localized into the original problem of loneliness anymore (which means even if he were to get himself a great partner right now or surround himself with many great friends, it still wouldn’t work). Or,

b. He becomes totally dependant on drugs, where he basically becomes incapable of feeling natural emotions anymore and therefore severely limited in life. (Of course life goes on, but as you can imagine, this person begins to walk on thin ice where every other occasion becomes a potential reason for breakdown.)

So what is the solution? The solution is realizing:

a. Dealing with depression is not going to be easy. You should not expect it to be. Be prepared to get ask for help from everyone around you. And when they try to help you, LET THEM. Don’t chase them away by being ashamed or feeling guilty.

b. To deal with depression you will first need to allow your body to heal from all chemical poisoning that has been done on it. This may take a while. And sometimes the temptation to give in will be overwhelming. You will need help here. Make plans for getting as much professional help as you can afford. Suggestions are: go for a meditation retreat, check into a rehab, go for a prolonged mind body healing retreat etc. If those are not an option: alert your friends and family your plan of action and ask them to help you as much as possible to stay on track.

c. Dealing with depression is not a final solution; it is simply a symptom that needs to be addressed before you can go to the root cause of the problem. Go see a psychologist, the type that do not prescribe pills but work with you on your overall life situation.

d. Dealing with depression becomes EXTREMELY difficult if you are constantly eating junk food, drinking all kinds of chemically altered drinks like coke and pepsi etc, not taking care of your physical body by exercising, and one of the worst of all… if you are glued to the TV watching all kinds of bad news or action movies. Go on a vegetarian or vegan diet. Fast at least once a week. Meditate. Drink plenty of raw vegetables and vege smoothies. Exercise regularly. Run if you can. Get plenty of fresh air. Register for a yoga class if possible. Surround yourself with all kinds of motivational and positive sources of entertainment and educational materials. Do not touch even a drop of alcohol or similar mind altering substances. Oh, I almost forgot my favorite… no cigarettes.

Finally here is the good news: let me assure you, dealing with depression is EASY if you are ready to face the very uncomfortable truth that you are hiding from and refusing to take action about. That is how you got here. In the beginning there was a simple situation that required your action. Life was calling you to do something about that situation. Your body needed you to take some specific action. You may remember it, you may not. But if you keep taking the steps outlined above, very soon you’ll have enough clarity to realize what it is that you need to do.

I wish you all the strength and clarity on your journey of awakening!

Lots of love,


Shafin de Zane, CHT, MH, MNLP
Hypnotherapist, Author, Spiritual Coach

Related links on the web: Dealing with depression Depression Symptoms Depression Treatment

42 thoughts on “Dealing With Depression

  • Shafin,
    Do you advise your clients to not go the anti depressant drug route as part of their multi faceted approach?
    Surely is big big business and fear is that you have masked the problem if that is all you are doing to combat depression.
    It is a huge problem and only getting bigger I am afraid.

    KG in Chicago

  • I think the key statement in this article is that the depression patient needs to at some point face the uncomfortable truth that he has been hiding from and take action to rectify the situation. This can be a myriad of things but is the root cause and until the root cause is addressed the problem will only be masked by the drugs or the sleep routine or the sedentary lifestyle. This takes courage and only when enough is enough will the courage be found as often it may involve changing a whole life pattern that can cause other people discomfort or even pain i.e a bad marriage that needs to end. Depression is usually a cry for help in a society that often places ridiculous store on its own set of perceived virtues.

  • Your words are wonderful. If words can heal depression, yours should suffice. My own belief is that words are not enough. (Do psychotherapists have a very good record of getting their clients free of depression?) You do suggest significant lifestyle changes that are bound to be a major support. Do depressed people usually latch on to these in a big way?

    I have learned a healing technique that, although not guaranteed, has been very helpful to many with depression. It is called EFT, sometimes described as emotional acupuncture. It is a body-based technique (in addition to words) using tapping on some of the acupuncture points. It can easily be self taught. However, dealing with major depression is something that should be done with qualified practitioner, too heavy for a beginner. I am in training at this point myself and not qualified to help. Go to to learn more. You can search there for articles on depression and form your own opinion of how useful it would be.

    My prayers go with you.

    Love, Virginia

    • Hi Virginia,

      Thanks for your compliments. Yes EFT helps for some people. But then again everything helps if you really want it to help you. The key is to us this challenge to help us grow into the next level. Depression is nothing but our bodies "safety valve". And as strange as it sounds, from a larger perspective, depression is GOOD. It is designed to make us take a step in the right direction. If only we listened…

      Have fun and spread the word around.


  • Shafin,

    I'm sure what you have written will transform deeply the life of this reader,because everything you say,comes from your soul with a wisdom and knowledge that we never imagined a man can have.Congratulations.You're really a blessed man. Aneer

  • Shafin, brilliant. Not many people would speak out as you have in this article. I have suffered from depression too. Doctors tell me it is because of a medical condition. And I have struggled with the question, is it the illness that brought on the depression, or was the depression always there and the illness brought it to my attention.

    As I was suicidal, I am very afraid to take the leap and stop my drugs. Your article told me that I want to be drug free, and I will pursue that route in a gradual manner. One is not rational when in the deep throes of depression. As always, I enjoy and benefit from your writings. Best to you good friend.

    • Hi Dave,

      All my good wishes are with you. Remember this always, all problems in life have only one purpose: they are here to help us grow to the next level. Take this challenge in that spirit. Keep learning, keep growing, keep taking the next step. And who knows, maybe you'll look back one day and say "well, depression was the best thing that ever happened to me!" 🙂


  • Dear M***and Dear Shafin,

    Thank you for your in depth answer to the Depression question. I have had some "enlightening" moments that taught me a lot about how to be permanently and consistently happy. so I would like to share them. I hope it helps M*** and anyone else. DISCLAIMER…I am not a doctor…I am an ARTIST!

    1. Take action! Surprisingly, the very first action someone must take is in the mind. Thinking is an ACT. A thought, composed by YOU, is a primal action and a powerful force in the world. A thought will configure an emotion or a blend of emotions. An emotion is complex and we may not even have names for all of them. So, it is the QUALITY of the THOUGHT that produces the emotion. Life is a journey of discovery of ourselves…Accept the journey and learn to "KNOW THYSELF"…it takes a lifetime! It is a big present your get to open…

    2. Quality of your thoughts. If the first action is your thought, it is imperative that you become aware of the quality of your thoughts. AWARENESS of your sixty thousand thoughts per day! How will you do it? Quiet the mind. Get calm. Be still. Let the invisible mystery have your attention. The bible says something like, "Be still and know that I am God.
    It would be better to have ONE quality thought all day long than a zillion darting around in your head that have been planted there by songs, TV, family and friends. Start by being thankful for your eyes, hair, hands, legs and feet, teeth and on and on. None of these you would ever sell for any amount of money. Aren't you happy to have them? Be thankful for ALL your treasures…food, roof over your head, job, family, best friends etc etc etc. Your treasures are immense! Close the door of your mind to any petty complaints. Vow to think and say thoughts and words that empower you and everyone around you…MOMENT by MOMENT. Remember! All kinds of ideas, beliefs and thoughts are trying to get access into the inner sanctum of your mind and the movie theater in there. You must get control of it.

    2. The Thought Field. Your thought field, or thought "aura" around you, may be so densely negative, that it is like quicksand. If everyone around you is alcoholic and drug addicted, this will consistently poison your mind. If you grew up your whole life in this negative, complaining and bitchy environment, you are going to have so much fun stepping outside of it. Just shirk it off like some dirty old coat and have no part of it anymore. However, as soon as you announce you are no longer eating hamburgers or watching TV or not doing whatever, your family and friends will treat you like a freak. It may cause you to succumb to the pressure to continue life as an addict…These are deeply rooted PATTERNS of thought and behavior and ways of being. By staying in that field of "gravity" {cause it will pull you in}, you will not escape. So, you will either have to be really REALLY strong, or be quiet about your new ways. Or, you will have to GET AWAY. I suggest, NOT telling family and friends what your plans are because they will not understand. If you tell them, this will produce resistance. They may tease you or put you down and then you will start arguing, being defensive, get confused and be more depressed. So, be careful! Be forgiving with your family. They have the same struggles. They may not know how to be supportive of you. If you feel fragile, don't tell. Let your knew "thought seeds" take root.

    3. The Kingdom of Heaven is Within You. You are a being of light. God is within. It is a mental world. Do your job of creating the mental world inside of you of the best 'heaven' you can think of. You are creative. Every thought you think will expand. Every visual image will expand. If you keep saying you are depressed and seeing yourself in your mind's eye as a depressed person, that is what you will be. So, what do you want to expand? Be tenacious with your very BEST thoughts and images. Don't let go of it. Forgive yourself and everyone. Raise your vibration by, once and for all, being thankful for the very life you have been given. Use your talents. Develop them. If you always loved music, then study it and use your gift. If you don't have money, make up your mind to teach yourself. If you don't know what to do with your life, ask God {inside of you, not outside} what you can do. Be the Participant in life and also the Observer. See yourself lying on the bed in the fetal position? Is that where you want to be? Only YOU are in control of YOU! Choose a better thought that will make you and everyone around your feel GOOD! Also, by practicing best thoughts and best images, the magic will begin to happen. Money will come for the music lessons. Someone will suddenly give you an instrument or who knows? YOUR WORLD IS CREATED BY YOUR WORDS AND IMAGES.

    4. Some programs like the Twelve Step or some psychologists end up rehashing years of problems, traumas, events, angers, fears, resentments, etc etc. WHY give precious time and energy to these negative producing ENTITIES??? continued….

  • continued…

    5. Summary. The key is Awareness and Quality of your thoughts. There is so much to learn. It is an unfolding process and you are NEVER alone. God is withing. Nobody knows anything. It is a mystery within a mystery. We all have to help each other.

    6. My experience. With a background family life of addiction, low education, TV and sugar, I left the country at a time when I was very lost and confused. Geographic change and new ways of living and being helped to wake me up. I love traveling, learning and self improvement. I choose to expand my consciousness moment by moment. I have had enough miracles happen to me to prove to myself that I am not alone and unconditional love and forgiveness are LIBERATING! Most importantly, you must love yourself unconditionally and FORGIVE YOURSELF. NEVER BLAME ANYONE ELSE AGAIN FOR ANYTHING…TAKE 1OO per cent responsibility for your life…it is YOUR world! And REALITY is not what we are accustomed to believe…RESEARCH!

    Love and Best Wishes on your Journey…

  • that is a great analysis of working of human mind and emotions.
    however the reccommended solutions- i dont entirely agree , like going vegan? how does that help?

    • Emotions are not thoughts. They are not ideas that come from nothingness. They are the bodies way of storing pain and pleasure in the mind through certain chemical changes. When you have oxytocin, you feel ecstatic. When you have endorphins you feel blissful. When you have cortesol, you feel stressed. These are chemical reactions that we feel, which eventually gets translated in our mind as positive or negative thoughts. But in itself, emotions are chemical reactions in the body. Understand this first.

      What you eat can cause havoc to your body's bio-chemistry. We live in a world of seriously chemically contaminated food all around. Get your favorite box of cookies and read the back label. Do you see how many different preservatives and emulsifiers and other unknown chemicals have been used to make it last the way it does and taste the way it does? Well, all these things make a big difference when added up.

      But why vegan? Because eating dead animals don't help. If you are seriously in a place in life where you could use all the help possible, I definitely will try my best to cut down on anything that can have any negative effect on my mind or body. When you go vegetarian or vegan, the uplift in your mood pattern is so amazing that its unbelievable. Ask any converted vegetarian or vegan. They'll tell you.


      • I too became vegetarian coincidently when I started to chant and practice Nichiren Daishonin's buddhism. I feel very good and never crave for all the dead animals I used to eat. I think next step for me is to become vegan, for the same reasons Shafine has mentioned. Animals are not treated well in this world and their products are affected with bad hormones. By indulging those products have negative affect on our bodies,

      • The science of eating less meat has many benefits.
        Eating too much meat creates aggressiveness. This can be a bad thing. Eating fruits such as bananas curbs the desire to smoke cigarettes. This is good thing for ex-smokers who wish to remain smoke-free.

  • Dear M***
    What Shafin just wrote is very good for you to begin a new life. For sure will help a lot to control it, to mantain it running after you but you will be able to live a normal life. If you complement his advice with scientifical strategies (medicines) this will be faster and easyest. I understand you don´t want to do nothing with "pill"!!!!
    I am an ex-depress young person (68…..). 20 years ago a felt very lonely and very bore. Maybe one year lying in bed without no motivation at all. It took me almost 3 years to get rip of my depression. As I am a "Professional Administrator" I use different Strategies to Control my Problem and don´t let the Problem Control me.

    The only one advice I would like to tell you is "Give Time to the Time", don´t rush, take it easy.

    A warm embraice. God Bless. R.

  • A very nice post, worth reading and understanding by all who get to read it. Should be suggested to friends too. Keep it up, Shafin!

  • Let me be brief. Two things can be extremely useful to deal with depression. 1. Nicherin Diashonin's Buddhism and its chant. Chanting works like a magic talisman. I am a living proof. No matter how skeptical I was in the begining, it worked. Just google SGI to know more and contact your nearest SGI center.
    2. In yoga, do Pranayama- for depression, ANULOM-VILOM will work wonders. It is again testified by millions, yes, you read it right, millions, all are living testimonies.
    Lastly, to begin all this, like one of your blogs said, Shaffin, 'pray for miracles'. It is odd when miracles don't happen. They WILL happen. I advocate both ways of prayer- one visualization and the other total surrender. One has to pray earnestly for a good yoga source, volunteer, dvd, friend, etc. and for a SGI member to teach you how to chant. When one is into chanting, one seldom needs those divine beings in white coats…..

    wishing all of you the best that life can offer.

    • Dear Rohini,
      You have said everything I want to say but I could not have put in words as beautifully as you have.
      I too started chanting six years ago with friends from SGI and experienced many positive things happening.
      Pranayama is another good exercise which gives more oxygen to all cells of body which results in good circulation and healthy body.

      I feel happy most of the time, think positive of every bad situation occurs.
      I agree that thoughts do affect the life very much. And it is very difficult to control thoughts at times. I am trying to control on my thoughts and work is in progress.


  • Depression is almost becoming a number one killer in the world. people have given up on trying they dont want to be pushed anymore, very materialistic that once something doesnt work out, we definately experience all the three stages of emotion. we need material like this to keep reminding us of who we are and that life is not a bed of roses. life is what you make it.

    • Bob should correct the original mistake he made: depending on ONE person to fulfill all his mental, emotional and social needs in life. When you put that kind of pressure on any relationship, it tends to go awry. In any case, Bob, or anyone in a situation like Bob, instead of trying to make the painful emotion go away, needs to realize that life is calling him to take some specific actions. In this case: seek quality human company and fulfill his social needs and wants that are built-in within him.

      Simple words: focus on making some quality friends and maybe even start dating again.


  • Hi,____The topic is quite a difficult one depression can be a mean of many differnt things fom a built up of anger to a carrier of shame or even too much fear and sadness the list can be long.__Of course blame the world for our problems doesn't make it any better or try to get our problems drawn even worse.__The solution you have it, none else has it but yor mind may be too foged to apreciate it.__The best I can sugest to you country life and even in the worse of your suffering be present because there will be many aspects to at least enjoy that moment in many forms even if it is only for a second but that is a second a day you are less depress and that is a second of gratitude towards liberation from your suffering.__One thing you may not know is that your liver may be doing a lot of cleansing particualrly if you are not drinking anymore and that is an important organ in the funtion of the mind so it is normal to feel it in that way when you may have been giving too much of what your liver didn't want so now it is telling you how bad it was to put too much buzz on it.__I wish you the best and be bless

  • hey,shafin,thanks again ! i thought what you had to share was great!! i too was in depresion a while back and could of used that good advice .i managed to over come it by going to church and seeking Gods help,made a dicetion to find help and God has been my answer. lots of love and God bless all

  • Very interesting to read,thank u Shafin, I am glad i am a happy person at 83 and love my computer to be connected to the world and be able to go (by car) where I want to go (play 9 holes golf in a buggy) and if I read all this i should be happy not to be able to drink alcohol anymore (Idid when i was younger, loved vodka on ice) but it gives me severe headaches now!! My two daughters live abroad, andonegranddaughter lives nearby and the other 5 live in italy and france so sometimes u feel a bit lonely but there the computer comes in to read all the interesting articles and I take a walk when the weather permits.I do EFT as well for world peace and my headaches with Marlene Marion. I am on facebook to contact my grandchildren and I am happy to be alive, sorry I cannot give any comment on depressions. do not know what it feels like. Wish your reader who asked for help the courage to go on and i'll send him goldenlight! Namaste, Garry

  • What can I do? My partner said to me last night "I'm depressed" when I asked why he has been so quiet, not waking up in the morning, erratic appetite. ..he has been unemployed for some time so he has started being self employed recently partnered with someone who let him down. I dont want to become depressed myself what can I say that sounds supportive
    LN in Zimbabwe

  • Shafin, I am in a very complicated situation with a dear friend, and I feel if I don't handle it in the appropriate manner then we will both be in the same situation we were in about a year ago. He is my business partner and best friend, but he is not self sufficient in the sense that he has no car and no job or means of making money other than a consulting business that makes him a couple hundred dollars a month. He has just moved into my house on the agreement that we get our business moving in the right direction (it hasn't) and the agreement that he pay me rent which he hasn't. We had a falling out about a year ago when we were in business, and after we parted ways I felt a sense of peace and awareness about who I was and where I was going. I love the guys company and like I said he is my best friend, but now that he is around all the time I feel like he is getting comfortable. This sounds like a very unusual situation, believe me when I say, but I feel this duty to help him at times and then suddenly my generosity turns into something that becomes long term and a burden on me. My friend was not born here, and due to events that have happened over the last couple of years his license has expired, he has been arrested for charges that were as a result of him being involved, and since he was here on a green card (he does not have citizenship), obviously, it is going to take a substantial amount of money to get all of his verification, citizenship, etc. etc. I feel this "spiral" coming on and I don't want it ruin our friendship, but I feel if I don't deal with this then I'm going to be right back where I was about a year ago and that is a whole different story. Just looking for advice. Shafin, you are the man!

  • I think that a few people may be so far gone that some medicine will help pull them out so that they then can discover the root problem of the depression.

    If one is truly depressed, then it is more difficult for him or her to pull him/herself up by merely being told what to do. In another words, wellness will be difficult for the depressed person to realize. When feeling better, the medicine can be slowly withdrawn and then positive cognitive changes can become possible.

    • I do understand depression as I do suffer from it on and off. It runs in our family as well as alcoholism. Four of my fathers sublings has ingcommitted suicide.__I do believe if you are in a centre of a depressed epesode, you alone can not get yourself out of there. Not if you are already on a chemical substance that alters your thinking. You need to realize you need someones help. This is the first step. then drop the chemicals, and finally facing the truth……….now u can slowly try to avoid getting there again……..witch is an ongoing prosess. day by day. Step by step. Lots of exersice fresh air, supportive friends and working through the things that bugs you

  • If depression occurs when a person continually fails to take action on some specific issue, it seems to me that it is really important for the person to discover what that issue is. Someone said in a comment above that society itself is often at the bottom of why an individual experiences depression – or the feeling that the action that needs to be taken is in some way futile or impossible to take. I have found the journey through negative feelings and an inability to act immensely rewarding in that I have discovered so much about how individuals attempt to live in a civilized way with other people – lots of other people. The individual can't always be heard; sanctions may be taken against an innocent (or guilty in the eyes of a particular society) person; a person may be dealing with the beginnings of awareness that, after all, they are an individual first and a member of society second. In my view, reckoning with this type of situation is a way to grow into a truly valuable person – a person with integrity and the ability to stand alone if necessary.

  • Hi Shafin!
    First off, let's begin with the obvious…I really enjoy reading what you have to say! So, on to something more concrete….I feel that I am perpetually stuck in the frustration phase and don't know how to get out. Right now, the thing that is specifically making me crazy is that I don't know what career path is right for me and where to go from here, and I don't think this is something even a career counselor could help me with. So, what does one do when one is stuck in the frustration phase but doesn't know how to get out? How can one change one's game plan without knowing what the next move should be? I'm waiting for my "aha!" moment, but it doesn't seem to be coming!

  • Hi Shafin,

    Very insightful, i like it. It is true that we get into this situation, because we are running away from ourselves, from true self, trying very hard to live by the society and other people's expectations. I dont think there is any amount of hiding that can be enough to make one hide from himself from his true being or from the inner-man inside of you. Sometimes to discover this man inside of you it take distraction inside of you and those arround you, Thank Shafin

    Madimetja SA

  • Dear Shafin,

    You are doing a great job, helping save a lot of lives & help people get back to their best and go forward…

    God bless you ! I am sure he is watching and happy to see you doing all this..

  • Quite an insight-straight forward outlook with regard to the different emotions we tend to go about in a certain moment or time in our lives. Thus must say that getting/having a goldfish does solve various situations when it comes to loneliness, depression, etc.. The responsibility toward it ie feeding/changing water/etc. keeps your mind away from negative thoughts/emotions for, without realizing or not, you drive your inner-self toward something that depends on your actions to maintain-keep it alive, and slowly as each day passes by you start discovering new outlooks about yourself and the world about and around you. But then again, being alone/lonely and feeling loneliness are two different matters.

  • I would add that if you feel you simply cannot go on and are thinking of ending your life, it is best to wean yourself off of pharmaceuticals gradually (as the side effects of quitting cold turkey can be quite uncomfortable). I also would recommend visiting a naturopathic doctor. There are many treatment modalities out there which are non-traditional and non habit forming. Hypnotherapy can also be helpful, as well as guided meditation. Best of luck to you on your journey. It also helps to believe that everything that is happening to you is happening for a reason and it is all there to create learning and growth.

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