Let me tell you about an interesting movie I watched recently. It’s called “Match Point”. Have you seen it? If not, let me tell you about it a little…The story is pretty simple with the poor Irish one time tennis pro Chris joining an English upper class country club as an instructor. Chris makes friends with this rich dude Tom whose dad is a big business man. Chris quickly charms the entire family including Tom’s sister Chloe with this amicable personality and good looks. Chloe is a sweet looking woman who instantly falls for him and Chris seems to like her quite a bit also… until he meets Tom’s impossibly cute and sensual fiancée Nola.
Now Nola also gets attracted to Chris also but she plays it cool by acknowledging the attraction, but asking him to stay away since she is engaged to Tom. Unfortunately, that doesn’t last too long as the attraction grows too strong and they end up having sex one rainy afternoon on the paddy fields during a weekend holiday on the countryside. However, Nola still plays it cool by telling Chris that it was a one time affair and it cannot go anywhere.
This drives Chris crazy and he becomes obsessed about Nola but it still goes nowhere. Fast forward- Nola breaks up with Tom and goes back to America where she originally came from and in the meantime, to everyone’s happiness, Chris marries Chloe.
Fast forward more – Chris joined the family business quite some time now and he enjoys the kind of money and success that he could only dream of. Everything goes fine until Chris meets Nola accidentally one day and the affair is resumed.
In the beginning Nola acts all cool but as the days go by she becomes more and more demanding about Chris divorcing Chloe. But obviously Chris is not too keen on that since divorcing Chloe means divorcing all the riches that came with her, and even though he’s having a hard time at home as Chloe becomes hell bent on having a baby and practically forces Chris to have sex with her, he stays put. As the story continues we see Nola getting more and more demanding, and Chris getting less and less interested until Nola gets pregnant!
This is when Nola threatens Chris to divorce his wife or she will personally tell Chloe about the affair. As things start getting out of hand, Chris contemplates murdering Nola to save everything he has achieved by marrying Chloe… Now if you watched the movie already, you know what happens next, and if you didn’t, I urge you to watch it as it is not only a beautifully done movie, it also shows some interesting human traits in all of us. It shows how we sometimes mess up our almost winning games. And more importantly it shows how attraction is created and destroyed.
Over the many relationship problems that I have solved in my clients and students, one basic lack of understanding about attraction keeps surfacing over and over. And that is the expectation that somebody “should” love you because of some reason. Maybe it’s a wife expecting a husband to love her “because” they are married, or a boyfriend expecting his girlfriend to love him “because” they are dating, or, as we see more in men, the woman “should” feel attracted to him “because” of all the gifts he has bought and favors he has done for her.
What we don’t understand is that attraction is not logically created. We cannot love someone or feel attracted to someone just because we “should”. No matter what the relationship or situation is. No matter how someone is “obligated”. Attraction is not created out of obligation; it happens spontaneously if it happens at all.
On the other hand most men (typically) believe that to attract a very beautiful woman he has to be either very rich or very good looking or else he doesn’t stand a chance. When he is standing in front of a very attractive, potentially single woman, his mental talk is “don’t even think about it, you are not good looking enough for her.” And if they do manage to take it beyond a casual hello and end up on a date, they feel obligated to “impress” the woman with expensive gifts and dinners and favors and what not.
Wrong! Wrong!! Wrong!!! Remember attraction is not created through a logical choice. Logic is a guy thing. Attraction between man and woman happens because of challenge, because of unpredictability, because of scarcity. Think about all the material things in life you are attracted to, is it the banana in your refrigerator that is healthy and nutritious and you “should” eat it because, well, it’s your banana and you bought it! I guess not. Is it your old car that you drive to work everyday and you have been driving it for the last 7 years? I guess not.
So what do you feel attracted to? Is it the new Mercedes convertible? Hmm… Is it the bottle of rare French wine that costs more than your house? Can you imagine how it’d taste like if you could roll it on your tongue? Oh baby! Is it the house overlooking the ocean where you can go to sleep listening to the waves crashing on the shore at night? Hell yeah!
Hmm… looks like you are attracted to all the things that are probably out of your reach at the moment. That will require you to make a substantial effort if you did want to own one of them. That will challenge you to challenge yourself into becoming more than what you are right now.
Now think about another scenario, what if you are one of the super rich in this world? What if you own 3 jet planes and 5 mansions and 2 limousines? What if your wine collection is the envy of all the wine connoisseurs of the country? Would you still be attracted to all of the things mentioned above? Think about it…
The point I’m trying to make is that we are all attracted to the things that are in some way out of our reach. Something that requires us to make an effort. Something that is not predictably permanent.
Attraction has nothing to do with how you look or how much you earn or what car you drive. It has everything to do with how hard to get you are, how challenging you are and how unpredictable you are. If you want to create INSTANT attraction in someone, convey to that person that he or she cannot get you! This is one simple thing that drives men and women go crazy. When I say “convey”, I don’t mean go and brag to someone, or tell them on the face. I mean subtly communicate without coming off as a snob or being rude, that you are just out of reach for that person and he or she cannot get you unless she makes a substantial amount of effort… and even then its not sure, its just a possibility.
Now I’m sure some of you are going “yeah but..” or “the women (or men) I know are different” or “are you being sexist?” etc. But guess what? The bottom line is, attraction is NOT predictable, logical or rational… not at least on the surface. There is very concrete logic and patterns to the “science” of human attraction but that is something that will obviously take a lot more explanation to elaborate.
If you are interested to go into deeper levels of attraction you might want to check out what could be the best collection anywhere of ideas, strategies, insights and research on the subject of attraction, and how to make sure great things happens when the right man or woman comes along.
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The reason I kept the price of this book so ridiculously low that almost everyone can get it. Make use of it. And if you don’t have a credit card to buy it, well take that as a challenge and get someone to pay it for you. Remember, before you make any breakthrough in life there will always be challenges. They are there to determine if you are ready or not. Don’t let them stop you.
And if you are ready to really move things faster and take you to the next level, you can sign up for a Live Coaching Session with me right now (you get my book and all the other bonus materials for no extra charge):
Exercise 01: Watch the movie Match Point even if you have watched it before. Notice what created the attraction between Chris and Nola, Chris and Chloe. And what destroyed it. What attributes made Chris attractive to both these women throughout the movie, and what influenced Chris to make his decisions in each step. Also notice what characteristics Chris had being a poor Irish tennis player that paved his way into the English upper class.
Exercise 02 (Optional): Get the book “The Art of Seduction” by Robert Greene and read it. It will give you some classical perspectives on what creates attraction.
Now make the world a little better today.Shafin
Shafin de Zane, CHT, MH, MNLP
Hypnotherapist, Author, Spiritual Coach