Today’s lesson is Q&A style. Its also going to be a bit lengthy and probably the most important lesson so far, so you may want to take a printout for reading it more than once and for future reference.
Question From A Reader:
My name is Shazia. I am 33 years old. I have been reading lots of articles on Law of Attraction. Amongst all the articles i have read, your articles seem to be one of the best. Thanks for providing this free 7 day E-course.
Shafin, I used to be working for a travel agency. However i quit the job because i really could not take the work load. I have no idea as to how i have to move forward. My mind is blank. There used to be lots of interests before but nothing seems to interest me anymore like the way people call it burning desire. Once upon a time i used to be interested in Drama, Music, etc. I loved to entertain my friends and make them laugh. Now, I have to support my family as my husband does not earn well and i am like wasting lot of time. The only thing i do is to find out if anyone is offering free lessons on law of attraction and read them.
Shafin, i dont know why i felt like opening up to you. I understand that you help lot of people and bring a better change in their lifes. Can you please change mine too?? I intend to lead a beautiful and a successful life. Please advise me Shafin and share your knowledge with me in order to redefine my life. I shall remain grateful to you for ever.
Please take time out to read my mail and reply.
Thanking you in advance.
Answer from Shafin:
First of all, I want to congratulate you for doing two things:
1. Taking the time to look deeper inside, educate yourself and trying to find a solution within yourself, rather than distracting yourself with all sorts of things like TV, food, relationships, children etc.
2. Reaching out to me and asking for advice with honesty and openness. I know how difficult it can be to open yourself up and asking for help.
So before I tell you how to change anything let me assure you: you are on the right track!
But then, that is not what you want to hear from me, do you? 🙂
So here is a little background and then I’ll tell you what to do to go forward.
See one of the most difficult obstacles to cross when it comes to spiritual enlightenment (and financial freedom for that matter) is our attachment to the known. Now as I keep saying to my students: like it or not, your life is probably working better than 90% of the world out there. And it very well applies to you too. How do I know? Well, simply from the fact that you have enough money and education to afford a working Internet connection, enough food in your stomach to think straight, enough intelligence to write a letter like what you have written, and enough stability in life to think about the higher level needs in life like happiness and fulfillment. Anyone with all these things working in their lives is living a better life than about 90% of the world out there. And that, unfortunately, CAN BE one of the biggest obstacles towards going forward in life.
The reason it can be one of the biggest obstacles is because consciously you may not be happy at the moment but your sub-conscious mind knows that what you have right now is “working”. Whatever you have done so far has put you in the upper 10% category in this intensely competitive world right now. And while you are willing to do whatever is necessary to bring about a change, change is something your sub-conscious mind is quite afraid of… especially if it means letting go of old patterns of behavior and belief systems.
Purely from a biological perspective (and not considering other factors), there are two things your sub-conscious mind or your animal side is concerned with:
It is not concerned with spiritual development, law of attraction, building Eiffel Tower, conquering the Himalayas or becoming the world champion in hop-step-jump! It is concerned primarily with survival and secondarily with replication. That’s it! And so far you seem to be managing both quite successfully. But then that is not what makes you a human being does it?
In a small little nutshell, here are the 6 universal Human needs that drives all our behaviors. These are not mere wants or desires but deep driving needs that makes us what we are. These needs are not found in other animals, not in this specific way at least:
1. Certainty: That you will be alive in the next hour, that you will be loved, that you will have enough food to eat tomorrow etc.
2. Uncertainty: If everything was always how you predicted it to be, you would get bored and die.
3. Significance: That you are worthy of love and affection and success.
4. Love and Connection: From other human beings. Love from a goldfish is not a substitute.
5. Growth: Constant growth is a deep human need. When you stop growing, you start dying.
6. Contribution: To be able to help humans and all other beings in their own journey.
Every time you fulfill one or more of your needs you will feel happy. Conversely, when you are not fulfilling your human needs in life, you will be unhappy. In a nutshell, that is how your emotions guide you through life. Happy = needs met. Unhappy = needs unmet. And life goes on. Got it?
Now understand this: every choice people make in life is to fulfill one or more of their needs, EVERY CHOICE. And remember this: if one of your behaviors is able to consistently fulfill 3 or more of your needs, you will get addicted to that behavior!
Now coming back to your problem, which happens to be a very common problem, the structure is very simple:
You begin life, you make choices that presently fulfill your needs, if you are able to successfully keep 3 or more of your needs fulfilled, you get hooked to that “modus operandi” or strategy for life. And life moves on until one day you find that you are deeply unhappy with what you got, surrounded by responsibilities that are not so much fun!
So what went wrong? See there is a basic problem with this formula. The problem is the formula is not based upon following your deepest desires or what is your true hearts calling, but mostly based upon what others told you to do. What others “approved” of. What others told you was the “right” thing to do. Who are these “others”?
Prepare for some hard honestly here: the others are your family, your friends, the school teachers, the books you read when you were growing up, the movies you watched etc. Now take an honest accounting of all those factors right now and see if you can find how successful, balanced and happy these “others” are in their life. Chances are, as you will find out, they are no better off than you are. And the movies (that taught you the meaning of love and shaped your idea of relationships) with the actors within them, and directors who directed them, along with writers who wrote the stories the movies were based upon, are some of the unhappiest individuals on the planet, trying to drown themselves in the most destructive ways known to mankind with drugs and alcohol (of course this is a generalization but I’m sure you get the point).
Unfortunately, that is the model you probably followed directly or indirectly. And now you find that it’s no longer enough to just get their approval, its no longer okay to just follow the norms, it’s no longer acceptable to allow the “others” tell you how to live your life. Life has become a mess and it needs to be fixed now!
Which brings us back to where we started from which is: having said everything, where you are, is a good place. It is a place where you have, probably for the first time in life, started asking the right questions and that is the most important requirement to find the right answers.
So what is the bottom line? The bottom line is there is no quick fix to this. And more importantly, something that may not be very agreeable to you right now, there is nothing that needs to be fixed either! It is perfect where you are. It is better to have messed up in one lifetime and awaken, than live a thousand lifetimes of blissful unawareness. You have all the basic ingredients necessary to make a leap right now, but will you???
So here are the next steps you could take to chart brand new game plan:
1. Take note of the major decisions in life that has brought you where you are today. Write down the top 5 things decisions you are not so happy with. Then knowing what you know now, analyze yourself with what needs were met having taken those decisions. If you are to go forward, you need to learn from history.
2. Take note of your life right now and write down, which of the 6 human needs are being met or unmet right now. Find out ways to fulfill them. Not knowing what to do is not an excuse. The answers you don’t have will be given if you know how to ask the questions. Most of us have no idea even how to ask the right questions. Here are some right questions to begin with:
a. Am I with the right man? Is he performing his duties as a man? What are his real duties as a man? (Hmmm) Am “I” the man in the relationship? Am I too afraid to even ask this question? (Hmmm) How can I invite him to be that Man so I can be the Woman that he can truly love and worship (without threatening him or attacking him)? (MEN: Go vice versa)
b. What is it that makes me truly happy doing? If money wasn’t an issue what would I do with my time in life? What is it that I was born in this world to do?
c. What do I really feel? What is my deepest fear? What is it really that I want in my life? Money, fame, success and power has time and again failed to make human beings truly happy. Then what is it “really” that I am looking for?
3. Study like a mad woman! Buy books and tapes and videos and audios like you have never done before. DON’T BORROW! If you don’t have money to buy a book this week, sell your toaster or something. But buy a book and read it. It doesn’t matter what you read. The answers will be given as you take the step forward. You will be guided.
If you want to learn from me, go take a look at the Redefine Your Reality package. We just added over a HUNDRED hours of audio/video on everything to do with success, abundance, law of attraction, business, metaphysics, spiritual knowledge and many more topics! This promotional package is here for a limited time. So get it here while it lasts:
Finally here is what I have to tell you: Follow your heart right now! You don’t need to know all the answers today. But if you follow your heart right now, it will guide to the places that has some of the answers. The way will unfold slowly. It has been a long time of not listening to that faint voice. Listen to it today.
How do you listen? Sit down everyday for minimum 15 minutes (an hour if you can manage it without going crazy) and focus on your breathing. Slowly you will find guidance from here. Listen to it. I know it’s damn scary at times. I know it’s saying all kinds of things that you know will lead you into trouble. But that is YOUR truth. Follow your truth. Take some action. What have you got to lose anyway?
In the end… smile! It’s all okay. You are being guided. You are loved beyond comprehension. You are being taken care of all the time and you always will be. Sometimes we come too far off from what was our chosen way and life becomes a mess. But it doesn’t take a long time to go back to the way once again. It’s all about making a choice… and as I said right in the beginning: you are already on the right way!
Till we meet one day…
Shafin de Zane, CHT, MH, MNLP
Hypnotherapist, Author, Spiritual Coach